The Bet
by A.Mae1991
Summary: Sebastian Smythe is an advertising executive and all-around charmer who, to win a big campaign, bets that he can make someone fall in love with him in 10 days. Journalist Blaine Anderson needs to prove he can dump a guy in ten days. What happens when their paths cross? *How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days SEBLAINE fic*
1. Chapter 1

_I do not own this plot or any of the characters, I just like to reimagine the universe for my own pleasure._

_These belong to Paramount and Fox. Thanks for letting me borrow them!_

*Seblaine How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days fic! This is a retelling of the 2003 movie, with a few small tweaks to the plot and dialogue.

It helps if you've seen it, but isn't necessary!*

_Thanks to Mary and Cat for helping me unleash my ideas- even when they're not that great._

_Rated T for now. Perhaps some eventual M._

* * *

**Chapter 1**

Composure Magazine is the standard stereotypical girly magazine. Fashion, style, makeup, fad diets, sex tips, you name it. Literary gold for anyone trying to stay in tune with the current "in topics" and latest trends. For Blaine Anderson, trends weren't what he imagined writing about when obtaining his journalism degree. History and politics were his life blood, but The Washington Post or National Geographic wasn't apt to hire new graduates that hadn't gotten their hands dirty yet. He had a few years to go, and was definitely putting in the work. Luckily the editor-in-chief, Lana Jong, had a hunch that he would be great for the publication. Maybe it was because his persona screamed "gay" with big flashing lights and a clean tap number, but he was accepted into their family almost immediately, and trusted with the sacred and anticipated "How-To" column. It was demanding. Blaine was expected to live and breathe the topics he was so uninterested in, become a mini-professional in under a week, then explain to readers how it would change their lives.

_"__How to Feng Shui Your Apartment" _

Difficult to understand, and even more difficult for a tiny person to move furniture alone. This would cost him his security deposit thanks to an ugly hole punched through the drywall.

_"__How to Get a Better Bod in 5 Days"_

No one can have visibly better abs in five days. No amount of crunches or squats will help you. It's physically impossible, but stick to the story, and the readers will try anything. (And also omit cheeseburgers— something Blaine had difficulty with, but will never tell the truth.)

_"__How to Talk Your Way Out of a Speeding Ticket"_

Four separate traffic offenses that the company didn't even reimburse him for, and no matter how charming, or distraught he seemed, it didn't work. New York officers were stone cold.

No matter what Blaine seemed to go through, he loved his job, but would never stop reaching for something higher.

* * *

"… and only then will the people of Tajikistan know true and lasting peace." Tina spoke calmly, then nodded at the completion of the article. "Blaine, it's brilliant. It's really moving, but it's never going to appear in Composure Magazine." She hovered over her friend's desk and scrunched her nose, a face she always gave when giving unwanted advice.

Blaine gave an exasperated sigh. "God, I busted my ass in grad school to be 'Blaine Anderson: How-To Boy' just to write articles like, 'How To Use the Best Pick-Up Lines,' and 'Do Blondes? Do They, like, Really Have More Fun?" He tilted his head to the side in a ditzy manner and rolled his eyes slightly. Tina snickered amusingly at him. "I want to write about things that matter! Like politics, the environment and foreign affairs! Things I'm interested in."

"Keep busting your butt," Tina encouraged, "You're gonna get there." Her face twisted into a coy smirk and she tapped his shoulder. "Hey. I've got something to cheer you up." She retreated to her own desk that was conveniently placed one cubicle away, and grasped an envelope. "Remember that editor from Sports Illustrated that you have been shamelessly flirting with on the phone for, oof, the past month now? He made a little delivery this morning." Tina's eyes brightened and waved the envelope.

"Oh? Let me see!" Blaine suddenly seemed interested, and snatched the envelope away. Upon revealing the contents, he squealed and tightly held two tickets. "Ohhh, tomorrow night!"

"What happens tomorrow night?"

"Only the most exhilarating and artistic display of athletic competition known to mankind."

"The Ice Capades are in town?"

"No!" Blaine shouted, getting a little louder and attracting the attention of several editors and consultants. "The NBA Finals are in town, and I've got tickets! Come with me?"

"All right. I'll go, but I am NOT putting out." She raised her eyebrows. Blaine challenged her.

"Two stale Jumbo Dogs and a couple of beers, you'll be whistling a different tune." He winked and returned to his desk, glancing at the tickets with complete stars in his eyes. His moment was interrupted when Lori, a fellow perky-yet-annoying writer stopped by to remind them of their upcoming meeting in half an hour. Blaine and Tina simultaneously rolled their eyes, and he glanced towards the adjacent desk finding it empty.

"Rachel. I haven't seen her all morning."

Tina sighed. "It's ten till one. She's wallowing." Another breakup. They weren't surprised.

"It's my turn. I'll get this one." He stood up hastily and slung his bag over his shoulder, ready to rush out to retrieve their friend. "You get the coffee and meet me on the corner in twenty."

"No, wait wait! You'll need these." She called, throwing several PR products into a stray Revlon bag before shoving it into Blaine's hands.

"Oh, great idea!" He smiled, and snatched a spring-like sweater from a sample rack and headed for the doors.

Tina stood up and shook her head, ready to do her part and order coffee. "Oi. Drama, drama, drama."

* * *

The corner of Madison Avenue and East 26th street was once again wall-to-wall traffic thanks to the morning work hustle. Everyone was impatient and horns were blaring towards what seemed to be nothing— just another New York City street. This wasn't an issue for Sebastian Smythe. Cars were useless in the city, and walking was too slow. He rode a motorcycle. His beloved Triumph Bonnieville slipped through the traffic jam with ease, and parked between two cars on the curb. As he slipped the full-masked helmet from his head, a tall woman clutching her usual morning street vendor publication strode behind him, stopping at the front doors of his office building at Schuester Advertising. "Hello Sebastian," She greeted dryly.

Sebastian ran a hand through his sandy helmet-head and smirked. Judy Spears— a typical advertising publicist. How he loved to poke fun with her and her partner, Judy Greene. She grazed through her copy of Composure as she waited for him, studying the pages in scrutiny.

"Hey hey. Good morning, Spears!" He approached her with is messenger bag on one shoulder, and the helmet tucked neatly under the opposite arm. "What are you reading, girl? You catching up on your current events? Turn-on tricks? How to make him hot?" He smirked. She rolled her eyes. "You know, if you want to try those out sometime, we should get toget—"

Spears cut him off immediately. "Greene and I have an appointment at Composure. The fastest growing women's magazine in the country. Seeing as how our clients run a lot of our campaigns in their nationally syndicated little girly magazine, it wouldn't hurt you to do a little reading." She shoved the magazine in his hands and raised an eyebrow.

"Hey, Sebby!" A different voice called, emerging from his building. Greene. "You finally decide to show up?"

"Yes, ma'am." He grinned, but the women were clearly on a time-crunch, and they bid him adieu with a coy glance. "Have a nice day, ladies." He all but bowed, and turned to enter the office.

* * *

Blaine knocked on Rachel's apartment door, and a moment later, a red-faced brunette girl opened slowly. She donned a long, grandma-like, ruffly nightgown, and clutched a handful of used tissues. "Hi!" She greeted cheerfully. Blaine's face stayed as skeptical as stone, making Rachel's happy facade fade into a run of ugly sobs.

"Good morning, sunshine." He stepped inside and placed his hands on her shoulders, watching her sob for a moment. "No. Okay. Get dressed. Get dressed now. Staff meeting is in fifteen minutes. Let's go."

Rachel blew her nose noisily, then plopped onto her bed in despair. "I'm going back to bed. I have no reason to live."

In an attempt to motivate his friend, Blaine pulled open the drapes, allowing the sunlight to brighten her dreary flat. "The sun is out! Oh, come on. Look at this!" He tossed her the sweater, dumped the samples on her bed, and her face changed a little.

"Cashmere?"

"Put it on. It will make your eyes look fiercely bright."

She hugged the sweater. It was as if someone placed a puppy in her hands.

"Get up. I'm not going to let you lose your job on top of everything else. Come here." He opened his arms into a loving hug and squeezed her tightly, although his face was unamused. Rachel was just THAT girl who couldn't make a relationship work. She would get too attached, become manic, and then the sky would fall when it didn't work. "You only dated the guy a week."

"It was the best week of my life," she sobbed.

Blaine wiggled out of the hug the best he could. He wanted to be supportive, but his judgmental side just couldn't stay hidden anymore. "Oh… sweetheart." He winced.

* * *

Sebastian trudged into the busy offices of Schuester Advertising, and greeted several of his coworkers as he passed. He scuffled past two men playing foosball and slipped inside his semi-private office that he shared with his two favorite advertising partners, Nick and Jeff, and shut the door. "What's up, Nick?"

Nick held a Nerf football, and tossed it aimlessly into the air, catching it repeatedly. "Hey, Seb. Big night?"

"Not bad." He tossed his belongings on his desk and fished out a clean t-shirt. New York City smog was a scent easily detected on clothing. The only downfall of a motorcycle.

"Orgy?"

He played along, "Where were you, man?!"

"Not… at an orgy," he replied, almost disappointed.

Without warning, Jeff rushed in with clear urgency. "Did you hear?"

Sebastian pushed the other's tone aside and smirked. "What, that the Knickerbockers are now in the championship series, and Nick the Dick now owes me twenty bucks?"

Nick frowned at the mention of money, not expecting to pay up so soon, and patted the pockets of his jeans. He cringed, and punched Jeff's arm. "Can you pay him?"

Jeff rolled his eyes and fished out a twenty, shoving it in Sebastian's hand, then disregarded the bet to continue talking about what was actually important. "You were right, Sebastian. DeLauer Diamonds is looking for a new ad agency, and Schuester wants to move on it. Aggressively."

"YES!" Sebastian triumphantly raised his fist in the air. This could change his whole career. He knew that tipping his company of the possible advertising change would be beneficial in the long run. " Oh, this is a good day. SUCH a good day. Guys, did you know that diamonds are about as common as taxis on Fifth Avenue?" He finally tugged his shirt over his head and playfully threw it at Nick before holding his clean one. A few ladies had congregated in eyeshot of his window to watch the view. He had an excellent body, and even though they'd probably never stand a chance with someone who didn't fully play for their team, it was still an intriguing sight. "The value is entirely sentimental, maintained by supply, demand, and advertising. Now, DeLauer dominates the world's diamond market. Meaning, if I represent them, I basically represent the entire industry." He bounced on his heels a bit, slipping a new shirt on. Sebastian glanced at Nick and Jeff, who's faces clearly had more information he had yet to know of. "What?"

Nick grimaced at Jeff. "Schuester gave it to the Judies. Spears and Greene. They're already on it."

Sebastian tugged his shirt on, and his jaw dropped. "NO!"

"You know," Jeff started, "He's kind of partial to the hot, leggy chicks. We're the sneakers and beer division. Precious gems aren't exactly our forte."

Sebastian raised a finger at him. "Lips and hips are over at a chick's magazine right now. I've gotta get to Schuester before—"

"You can't. He's on a plane."

Nick stopped Sebastian from exiting the office in haste. "Easy, bro. He's at a meeting in Chicago, and it's too late, anyway. Schuester is meeting them for drinks at Mullin's Restaurant tonight to discuss—"

Sebastian wouldn't take no for an answer. "This isn't happening, and you know why? This was MY tip. It's going to be my pitch, my account, my campaign. This is MY baby. They will not ace me out of this." Nick and Jeff weren't surprised by their friend's tenacity and each gave him a fist bump. They nodded, showing their support.

Sebastian narrowed his eyes, the gears in his head already turning.

"Mullin's. Tonight."

* * *

Blaine stepped out of the cab with Rachel, and met Tina on the curb of Composure's offices just as they planned. Rachel looked fantastic, sporting a bright a-line skirt that matched the sweater perfectly. A steaming cup of coffee was placed in each of their hands, and Tina gave Rachel a comforting look.

"Hi! I don't really want to talk about it, okay?"

"Okay." Tina patted her shoulder, then all hell broke loose.

"Why does this always happen to me?" She wailed. "Things are going great for like, a week and a half, and then all of a sudden it's over and I am mystified! Seriously. I am mystified because it always starts out so well!" She stormed her way through the revolving doors in a panic, and the other two followed, unsure of what else to do at the moment.

"Let's just… roll with this," Blaine suggested.

"Jesse and I have such a connection!" She stopped at the elevators and turned to face her friends, sniffling a bit. "The first time we had sex, it was so beautiful. I cried." She smiled at what seemed to be a distant nostalgic memory, and another tear dripped down her cheek.

Blaine looked like he would vomit. "You mean like, one glistening tear on your cheek, right?"

"No. I was really emotional. I even told him that I loved him."

"After how many days?!"

"Five." She stopped, knowing that her friends would call her lies in a heartbeat. "Okay… two. It was how I felt. I wanted to express myself!"

"Okay," Blaine replied calmly. "Well, what did he say?"

"Oh, Jesse didn't have to say anything. I know that he felt the same." Did she even hear herself? "But then, he started getting really busy, and I didn't know where he was. I kept calling him, and calling him. He was never home—"

Blaine cocked his head. "You. Kept. Calling. Him."

"I didn't leave a message!" She looked at them sheepishly. "He didn't know it was me. My number is blocked." The trio boarded the elevator, and Rachel continued. "Anyway, I know why he dumped me. I'm too fat." The comment elicited a side eye from the other passengers.

"You're not fat!" Tina and Blaine assured simultaneously, and eventually continued their conversation en route to the staff meeting.

"Rachel," Blaine started. "If the most beautiful woman in the world did the things you did, any normal guy would still go running in the other direction." He was happy their friendship had reached the point where he could speak honestly, because she desperately needed it.

"No, no guy would go running from you, Blaine. You could barf all over him, and he would say, 'do it again!'"

Blaine laughed. "That is both incredibly disgusting, and categorically untrue. If I did the things you did, I'd get dumped, too!"

Blaine, Tina, and Rachel reached Lana Jong's office. Being the editor-in-chief, she had what could be referred to as the penthouse of offices complete with a row of windows that overlooked a section of Central Park, and several chairs and couches in a circle to relax on. This is where staff meetings were held. Even though she was a bit of a tyrant, she loved comfort. "Okay family, shoes off! Breathe in," She closed her eyes, and every employee followed her lead. "… and out." She smiled, ready to begin. "Okay, Lori. Let's start with you." A sentence everyone dreaded to hear.

"Okay! The Botox for beginners piece is done. Now, It's a little scary, but mostly upbeat. Now I'm working on 'What Your Gyno Won't Tell You,' which is also scary, but you know, upbeat."

Blaine closed his eyes and took one more slow breath as he sipped his coffee. Everyone seemed to be holding back a side eye or a giggle at the sound of her voice, but she was so far up Lana's ass, that the editor couldn't help but be fully intrigued.

"I finished my research on 'Deadly Pedicures' about the woman who contracted that fungus from the unsterilized tools." She looked around as if she were a storyteller, and people were interested. "Oh, yeah. It's a terrible story, although, surprisingly upbeat!"

"Marvelous," Lana praised. "What's next for How-To with Blaine?"

Blaine sat his coffee down, not expecting to speak next. "Well, I'm working on something that's kind of different. It's a political price—" He was cut off by his boss, although hoping she would listen to his ideas just once.

"No. Blaine. You work at Composure Magazine. That is fashion, trends, diets, cosmetic surgeries, salacious gossip, that's Composure. Look, the column is new for you. When you turn it into a must-read, then you can write about whatever you want, until then, you can write about whatever I want. Understood?"

Blaine nodded, accepting defeat. "Yeah."

"Rachel," she quickly changed the subject. "What have you got?"

Rachel paused and hung her head from being put on the spot. Tina nudged her encouragingly, hoping she had a topic to bring to the table. "I'm sorry, Lana. I wasn't feeling very well."

"She got dumped," Tina bluntly interjected.

"OH NO! RACHEL!" Lana showed her a smidgeon of compassion. "What a hellish ordeal for you. But, I must say, you are looking fabulous. Are we loving the way she looks, all?!" Lana glanced to the other minions, gaining fake coos and words of support to boost her spirits.

"I haven't eaten since the split."

"Good for you! Write about it!" She suggested, although Lana's suggestions were grossly compared to orders.

Rachel scoffed, looking around to the others. "I— can't use my personal life for a story!"

"I understand completely." Lana gave her a reassuring look. "Who will use Rachel's personal life for a story?" No surprise when Lori enthusiastically raised her hand as a volunteer.

"No, no, no! With all due respect, Lana, Lori has no business mucking around in my personal life, and I can't— I can't let her!"

Blaine's eyes furrowed in thought. He had yet thought of a topic, and this could be his chance since his political piece wasn't even given a passing glance. He bit his lip and raised his hand. "I'll do it!"

Everyone paused and looked in his direction, interested.

"What?" Rachel looked at him, shocked.

"I will sort-of do it. You will be my inspiration, Rachel."

"For?" Lana asked?

"Look at Rachel. She is a great person, right?" He spoke slowly, thinking as he went. "An amazing woman, but she has a problem hanging on to relationships and sometimes doesn't know what she's doing wrong, which is like a lot of our readers. So, I was thinking. I could start by dating a guy, and then drive him away, but only using the classic mistakes that many people like Rachel make all the time." He surveyed the room for a moment, trying to gauge reactions. "I'll keep a diary of it, and it will be sort of a dating How-To in reverse." He shrugged.

Lana actually smiled. "What NOT to do."

"Yeah!" He confirmed.

"How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days." She paused. "YES. Go. Bart, what's new in—"

"Wait, wait, Lana! I'm sorry. Why ten days?"

"Because five days is too short, and we go to press in eleven," she stated matter-of-factly.

Blaine nodded, then looked at Rachel, who was completely relieved and mouthing a big 'thank you' to him.

This one was going to be big, and he needed to get to work.

* * *

Blaine and Rachel followed Tina downstairs after the staff meeting, who was much to her dismay still having her brain picked by Lana. A sigh of relief washed over her when Lana bumped into two well-dressed ladies that distracted their conversation. "Here's my meeting! Welcome! Everyone, this is Judy Spears and Judy Greene from Schuester Advertising. We're going to cook up some fabulous tie-ins for the fall. This is Tina Cohen-Chang, fashion and trends. Rachel Berry, Fitness and Health. Blaine Anderson, our resident How-To man." Everyone greeted them, but the Judies were most interested with Blaine.

"Oh, I've seen your column, Blaine! What are you working on now?" Spears asked.

Blaine smiled, "Oh great! I actually—" He didn't get a chance to speak before Lana annoyingly took the reigns herself.

"How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days! He's actually going to start dating a guy, and drive him away in a week and a half."

The Judies laughed. "Sounds needlessly vicious!" Greene remarked.

"It's going to be fabulous," Lana replied, and turned to Blaine. "Now all he as to do is run along and find the lucky guy. Go, go, go!"

Blaine shifted a bit where he stood, feeling more and more uncomfortable with his overbearing boss. "Nice to meet you!" He said cordially to the Judies.

The trio left now that Lana was preoccupied with her next two victims and Blaine leaned into his two friends. The thought of what he had to do was just now starting to hit him, and he sighed. "Find the guy." He looked at them. "Find… the guy." Tina and Rachel laughed and dragged him out the door and to his apartment. They needed to get ready for what could be an eventful night out.

* * *

_**xxMae**_


	2. Chapter 2

_I do not own this plot or any of the characters, I just like to reimagine the universe for my own pleasure._

_These belong to Paramount and Fox. Thanks for letting me borrow them!_

*Seblaine How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days fic! This is a retelling of the 2003 movie, with a few small tweaks to the plot and dialogue.

It helps if you've seen it, but isn't necessary!*

_Thanks to Mary and Cat for helping me unleash my ideas- even when they're not that great._

_Rated T for now. Perhaps some eventual M._

* * *

**Chapter 2**

"Oh, you are never going to pull this off," Rachel commented. She was dressed in a bright pink cocktail dress and high pointed heel, walking down the busy New York sidewalk with her arm linked in Blaine's. Blaine rolled his eyes, completely disregarding her lack of confidence. He was dressed to impress tonight. Semi-casual burgundy slacks, that could be mistaken for skinny jeans, a subtle floral print shirt, and navy sport coat to top it off. He styled his hair very little, letting a few of his natural curls spring free.

"Just watch me," He replied, leading the way for he, Rachel, and Tina to walk in the crosswalk. "Tonight I'll hook a guy. Tomorrow? Pull the switch, and before the ten days are up, I'm gonna have this guy running for his life." The girls giggled.

"You're not going to burn his apartment down or— bite him or anything? Are you?" Tina asked.

"No!" He nudged her. "I'm going to limit myself to doing everything most people do wrong in relationships. Basically, what the average person hates. I'll be clingy, needy—"

"Be touchy feely… OOH! Call him in the middle of the night and tell him everything you had to eat that day."

Blaine gasped a bit and his eyes lit up at the suggestion. Having Tina close by was going to make the next ten days a little easier. Their glow soon subsided when Rachel chimed in.

"What's wrong with that?" She asked with innocent doe eyes.

Tina and Blaine paused, unable to speak.

"God! I'm kidding!" She assured, but the other two were skeptical.

* * *

Will Schuester, Judy Spears, and Judy Greene entered Mullin's Restaurant and Bar, making their way to the VIP table they reserved. Tonight was all business, and making sure that Will Schuester was completely hooked on the Judies making the DeLauer pitch. As they arrived, they noticed that their table was occupied, and Sebastian Smythe raised his glass to them before taking a small sip. Greene stopped in her tracks and gave him a snide look.

"Hello, Sebastian." Schuester remarked. "What are you doing here?"

Sebastian stood up and greeted his boss with a firm handshake. "Will, I'm here for the meeting. Ladies," He nodded his head towards them.

"But, you weren't invited," Greene reminded.

Sebastian shrugged. "Yeah, but I should have been. I mean, It was my tip that DeLauer was shopping for a new firm."

"Yes, it was," Schuester said, "But I have to think in terms of who's best suited within the company.

"Yes, sir, and that's me. I want to handle this pitch."

Sebastian ignored the sound of the Judies laughing. He wasn't about to go down without a fight. He was stubborn, and hard to persuade.

"Sebastian, you sell Joe Blow better than anyone else in my shop, but these girls sell luxury better than anyone else in the business. We have to put our best foot forward on this pitch. DeLauer would be our biggest account."

"Yes, sir. They would." Sebastian retrieved the bottle of champagne he already ordered and poured three separate glasses for each of his colleagues before topping off his own. He wanted to remain classy and polite, but he'd play dirty if he had to. "Annual advertising billings of fifty to sixty million dollars, and I am the man that is going to bring this home for you, Will." He grinned and sipped again at his glass, ready to play ball.

* * *

"Why did you pick this place?" Blaine asked, stepping into the front doors of Mullin's with Tina and Rachel. He gave it a glance around. It was busy and bustling, but it wasn't a trashy bar. People were dressed in their best and creating small talk all around the building.

"Because it's perfect," Tina grinned, and greeted the hostess. "Mullin's is the after work watering hole for the upwardly mobile." She grinned and pulled them both to the bar, ready to order drinks.

* * *

"Now," Sebastian continued, "The diamond industry has always targeted men, sending the message that the woman needs the man to buy her the rock. Those gender roles are ridiculous. Everyone loves diamonds. They say 'a diamond is forever,' we say 'a diamond is for everyone.'" He smirked at all of them, proud of his tagline.

"I like it," Will said.

"We don't," Spears interjected. "'A diamond is for everyone' sends the message that diamonds are everywhere, which means they're not rare. And if they're not rare, they lose their status. Status is the reason to buy them in the first place, which Sebastian would know if he understood love. Which you don't."

Sebastian nodded and took the clapback. Schuester laughed along with Greene. "You can't feel bad about that, Seb. No man does."

* * *

Blaine sipped slowly at his martini as he scanned the crowded room. This was definitely easier said than done. He bit his lip, then Tina started to hum at him impatiently.

"Don't pressure him! He's perusing!" Rachel mock-snapped.

"Yes, exactly." He agreed with Rachel, and then left to walk the perimeter of the bar to get a better view before returning to his friends.

* * *

Greene could clearly see the game Sebastian was playing, and she also wouldn't go down without a fight. She flaunted the slit in her low-cut dress and made sure Schuester could see her cleavage. A three-tiered diamond necklace tumbled into the crevice, and she all but pushed herself on him. "A diamond should make a person feel giddy, desirous, adventurous, and… desperate. It's a lot like falling in love."

Will was practically drooling over Greene. The rumor about him loving the "hot and leggy" types was completely true.

"Take a look around this room, William," Spears said, glancing around with her eyes. "Most of the people in this bar are looking for just that."

"Exactly," Sebastian interrupted. "The skills required to market diamonds are the same as those needed to make someone fall in love, yes."

"I'm not talking about lust, Sebastian. A person in lust wants chocolate. A person in love wants diamonds."

"I'm not talking about lust either, ladies," He corrected. "I'm talking about deep, meaningful, matching towels, let's grow old together, L-O-V-E. Look, being a bisexual man, I love people. I respect people. I love… LOVE, and all the motions of love. I also listen. That's why I can sell myself to anyone, anywhere, anytime."

Spears was unamused, and her gaze drifted from Sebastian's as he spoke. Her eyes fell upon a very familiar face. Blaine Anderson, the How-To man. He was playing out his sinful column idea right before their very eyes. An idea sparked, and sometimes her own mind amazed her. She smirked when she realized that she had the DeLauer pitch in the bag for herself and Greene. "Make someone fall in love with diamonds, Sebastian, or with you?"

Sebastian gave Spears an odd look, but kept his composure. "Uhh.. Either one."

"Ooh, that's cocky, Sebastian," Schuester retorted.

"No, not cocky. Confident." He could roll with it.

Spears' face beamed and she chuckled. "I'd like to see you prove that. The agency is co-hosting a party for the DeLauers at the Astro Museum. The party is a week from Sunday. Do you think you can make someone fall in love with you by then?"

Sebastian looked intrigued, getting a hunch of what she was hinting toward. "Ten days."

"Any person, anywhere, anytime?" Greene asked with a smirk.

"Any single, available, _consenting_ person? Yes."

"Yes! I'm not trying to trick you, Sebastian," Spears lied, "In fact, we'll choose someone right here, right now, in this bar, and then you decide."

Sebastian had a twinkle in his eyes, liking the sound of the challenge. He was very proud of his ability to charm, but also proud of the fact that he could do something seemingly easy that Schuester was on board with. "Okay. So, who's the lucky one?" He turned to catch a glimpse of the bar, waiting to see his selection.

"Okay!" Greene beamed, looking at the crowd like a hawk seeking out prey. "Ohh, there's that babe in the leopard print. She looks like fun."

Sebastian was less than amused at the full outfit of animal pattern the larger woman was wearing. "Come on, now. Be nice, ladies."

"Or that lovely Italian man in the corner. Extra hair slick… even _more_ extra on the Louis Vuitton."

Sebastian rolled his eyes at Greene, wondering why he'd get himself into a scheme with them. Of course, they'd make this as difficult as possible.

"No," Spears said calmly, "Him." Her eyes adverted to the bar towards Blaine. "Petite, dark curly hair, adorable laugh."

Greene stayed quiet as she watched her partner work. She knew the other had to be up to something smart, because this choice seemed too perfect for Sebastian.

Sebastian followed Spears' gaze, and his eyes fell upon Blaine. He was leaning against the bar with his girls surrounding him, and his entire face lit up as he laughed. This had to be a trick on the Judies' part. "_God, he's gorgeous_," Sebastian thought. "_Perfect_." Although, given his track record, he would have no issue with getting attached. Ten days and done. That's all he had to achieve, then he could send the beautiful boy along his way. Sebastian inhaled slowly and smiled, turning to his competitors. "Done." He spoke confidently.

* * *

While Blaine had no idea he was being scoped out, he, Tina, and Rachel were combing through the crowds to find a victim. Unfortunately, this was more difficult that they assumed.

"Okay," He started, leaning into the other two as he nursed his martini, "See the guy next to the horrible guy in that terrible knock-off Armani that I would never even consider?" He darted his eyes towards a "Mr. tall, dark, and handsome" in a suit that was waiting for his drink order at the bar.

"Oh, cute!" Tina remarked. Rachel nodded her head in agreement.

"Good!" Blaine scrunched his nose at his girls and wiggled his shoulders a bit as he walked towards the man, keeping his fingers crossed for success.

* * *

"Okay, you're on," Sebastian agreed, "but here are the stakes." He paused for a moment to give his three colleagues a glance. "After I win this bet, this pitch is mine."

"Agreed," Spears replied with a raised eyebrow.

Will gave everyone a harsh look-over as if he were contemplating his answer a little more. "Agreed. You come to that party, and that man is truly in love with you, Sebastian, you can make the pitch to the DeLauers.

Greene played along, but was still semi-skeptical about the whole thing, especially since her partner in crime was acting stranger than usual. "But Will, you can't—"

"I've made up my mind." He nodded towards Greene, then grabbed his glass and raised it. "To the DeLauers."

The other three followed suite, and did the same. "To the DeLauers. Cheers."

* * *

Rachel and Tina watched as Blaine made a seat for himself next to Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome at the bar, and seamlessly started a conversation. Tina shook her head in disbelief as Blaine gave her a nonchalant glance and a shit-eating grin. He prided himself in his ability to hook men. He leaned in a little closer to the mystery man, making sure he could hear his low tone over the music, but purposely brushed against his bicep. "So, do you find New York… exciting?" He grinned coyly, a twinkle in his eye.

"Yes!" The man answered, "My husband and I love New York. Especially this time of year."

Blaine's face dropped, and right at that moment, a shorter man appeared next to Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome, and hooked his arm in his. "Hi," the husband greeted snidely.

"Hi!" Blaine grabbed his drink and took that as his cue to leave. "Um, you guys enjoy New York. It was lovely meeting you both." He grimaced as he walked away, and rolled his eyes at Tina and Rachel from across the room. "Married," he mouthed, wiggling his ring finger with a defeated demeanor.

* * *

Will stood up first from the table, and gave Sebastian an encouraging pat to the shoulder as he left. "Good luck!"

"Thank you, Will. Now, If you'll excuse me ladies… I have a bet to win." He nodded towards them politely, and scanned the crowd for his gorgeous man, smiling when he captured him wandering through the crowd.

The moment Sebastian was out of earshot, Greene tugged Spears' arm gently. "Now do you want to tell me what's going on?"

Spears smirked. "You don't recognize him?" They watched as Sebastian moved in, then Greene's face changed immediately when it finally dawned on her.

* * *

It was easy for Blaine to wiggle his way through the crowded bar with his small stature, but he didn't expect for someone to stop him en route to his girls.

"Hi," the handsome man said with a smile. He was tall, well dressed, and had a gorgeous green eyes. He stood close to him, letting Blaine know in an instant that he was interested.

Blaine almost had to do a double-take. He wasn't expecting for a potential victim to fall right in his lap, and he could definitely wreck this one's next week and a half. "Hi," he replied, and paused awkwardly for a moment before offering his hand. "Blaine Anderson."

"Sebastain Smythe," he introduced, shaking Blaine's hand.

"Cute," Blaine smirked.

"Thank you," Sebastian said, locking their eyes.

"I meant your name…"

Sebastian smirked, "Well, thank you two times."

"Unattached?"

"Currently."

"Likewise."

Sebastian gave his face a look-over and hummed, "Surprising."

Blaine twitched his eyebrow in question, loving how simplistic and informative, yet teasingly delicious this beginning conversation was. This guy had charisma, and they already connected quite well. "Psycho?"

"Rarely," he replied, "Interested?"

Blaine shrugged, "Perhaps."

Sebastian narrowed his eyes, "Hungry?"

Blaine smiled at the taller man and nodded. He was always hungry. "Starving."

"Leaving?"

"Now?"

"Mhmm."

"Okay. One second," Blaine grinned and raised a finger so he could return to Rachel and Tina.

"I'll meet you at the door," Sebastian kept his cool as he walked away, letting Blaine take the time he needed.

Blaine rushed to Tina and Rachel and immediately interrupted them. "Guys, I think I found one."

"But, I thought he was married?" Rachel questioned.

"Oh, no. Not that one. This one is waiting over by the door— but don't look…" Before he could explain, they looked— no, stared at Sebastian with a dropped jaw and a dopey smile. "NO. GUYS!"

"Oh wow. He is _really_ cute…" Tina bit her lip.

Blaine rolled his eyes at them and gave Rachel what was left of his martini. "Okay. I'm going to check this one out and see if he's a keeper."

Rachel sipped happily at her new drink, "And if he is?"

"Then tomorrow night, I'll flip the switch." He had an evil glint in his eyes.

The three of them chuckled, and Blaine pressed a kiss to Rachel's forehead before leaving. "I'm doing this for you."

"Be safe!" She replied. "Call me!"

"Oi," Tina shook her head, still slightly amazed that her best friend would actually go through this. "Drama, drama, drama."

Blaine met Sebastian at the door, and like a gentleman, the other opened it for him. His hand pressed into the small of his back gently, and they walked out together.

* * *

Meanwhile, Spears and Greene stalked silently from the other side of the bar. They had watched the entire encounter happen before their eyes, and smiled evilly at the small victory of Blaine and Sebastian leaving together. They glanced at each other with a smirk, and clinked their champagne glasses together before sipping.

Ten days, and the DeLauer pitch would be theirs.

* * *

**_xxMae_**


	3. Chapter 3

_I do not own this plot or any of the characters, I just like to reimagine the universe for my own pleasure._

_These belong to Paramount and Fox. Thanks for letting me borrow them!_

*Seblaine How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days fic! This is a retelling of the 2003 movie, with a few small tweaks to the plot and dialogue.*

*It helps if you've seen it, but isn't necessary!*

_Thanks to Mary and Cat for helping me unleash my ideas- even when they're not that great._

**_*Things get a little heated in this chapter, and is bordering an M rating!*_**

_To those of you who sent favorites and feedback, thank you!_

_Tumblr: nonfatmocha_

* * *

**Chapter 3**

Blaine followed Sebastian outside to the curb. His heart was racing a little. This connection had to be perfect. He faced a failed article, and serious reciprocations with his job if it didn't. He approached a car that the taller man seemed to own, but was led astray when Sebastian mounted the motorcycle and picked up his helmet. Blaine looked at it skeptically for a moment, but he had never ridden a motorcycle before, and assumed it could be fun.

Sebastian strapped on his own, full-faced helmet, then revved the engine to a start. "And you, get to wear the goofy-looking helmet," he said, grabbing his spare safety gear and placing it in Blaine's hands.

Blaine scoffed in mock-offense. "It's not going to look goofy on _me_…"

"It looks _goofy_ on just about _everybody_." Sebastian grinned as Blaine slipped it over his rogue curls and gave him a cute face with puckered lips. "Well, look at you. Pretty damn cute." He leaned in slowly and stared in his eyes for a moment, but reached up to fasten the strap snugly below Blaine's chin.

Blaine awkwardly swung his leg over the seat, rested his feet on the pegs, and leaned into Sebastian's body. He slipped his arms around the other's waist, and splayed a hand gently against his torso. "_Holy abs_," he thought, feeling the chiseled bumps through his dress shirt. The more light, teasing touches at this stage, the better. Thank god for motorcycles.

Sebastian gave a cocky rev to the engine, and zoomed away. He was hoping this gave him a slight badboy edge, and would have Blaine fawning over him in no time. He zoomed away, and made sure to take the scenic route to another much quieter restaurant, so Blaine would have to hold onto him just a little longer.

* * *

Sebastian chose an all-you-can-eat seafood buffet, which was perfect for Blaine. You could make a mess, be a gluttonous fool, and it was actually encouraged. Luckily, his petite frame didn't match his appetite. He could thank his mother for the exquisite metabolism.

Halfway through small-talk, and buckets of crab legs with butter, Sebastian looked up inquisitively. "So what do you think?"

Blaine, who was struggling with a thick claw, wrestled the meat out of it's confinement, and popped it in his mouth. "About the food? Or you?" He grinned.

"Both," Sebastian responded.

"Well, this is delicious," Blaine caught Sebastian's gaze and smirked, "… and I'm still deciding."

"Anything I can do to help?"

"Yeah, you can answer some questions for me, actually."

Sebastian snickered as he crammed a few empty shells into the trash pile, "_Some_ sounds a little too indefinite. I'll give you three."

Blaine nodded. "What do you do for a living?"

"I'm in advertising. I work mostly with alcoholic beverage and athletic equipment companies, and I'm trying to break into the jewelry market right now."

"Ohhh," Blaine hummed, impressed, "Saving the world one keg party at a time?"

Sebastian smiled, hooked with Blaine's wit. "Yeah," he replied, "Something like that. What about you? Have I seen your work?"

Blaine wiped his hands neatly on a napkin, and leaned back a little in his chair. "I work at Composure."

"Mm. Fastest growing women's magazine in the country. I'm impressed. Saving the world one shopaholic at a time, eh?" He grinned playfully at Blaine and winked. He, too could handle a battle of wits.

Blaine dropped his jaw and slapped Sebastian's arm. "Ohh! Hey! Listen here, Sparky," He teased, "I have a Masters in Journalism from Coloumbia. My boss loves me, and if I do it her way for awhile, I can write about anything I want."

Sebastian narrowed his eyes, "Like shoes?"

Blaine paused and played offended, "Um… No! No, okay?" He laughed, "Like… alcoholic beverages and athletic gear."

Sebastian laughed fully and clapped a little. Blaine was truly funny, and completely charming. He'd have no problem making him fall head-over-heels. "Touché. Very nice. So, you think you've got me all figured out?"

"Almost," Blaine replied, "I've still got one last question."

"Shoot."

Blaine turned up the sultry, and looked at him with his bedroom eyes. "_True or false?_" He paused, "All's fair in love and war."

Sebastian's gaze danced towards Blaine's lips, then back up to his eyes. "True."

Blaine smiled, "Great answer."

"Great question."

* * *

After a successful dinner, and a second motorcycle ride, Blaine found himself back at Sebastian's apartment. He had played through these motions several times before with randoms: bar, drinks, flirting, sex, and home— but he couldn't allow that tonight. No matter how attractive Sebastian was, he had to tease him, hook him hard, and leave him wanting so much more.

"Welcome," Sebastian greeted as he opened the door for Blaine. He led him into a lovely, well-kept loft-style apartment with an excellent view.

"Oh, this great. Nice place! Very tidy." He smiled as he glanced around.

"Can I get you a cold beer?" He asked.

"Sure! Um, can I use your bathroom?"

"Of course," he pointed, "It's just around the corner." He nimbly popped the caps on two glass bottles, and watched shamelessly as Blaine made his way— making sure to catch a good glimpse of his ass. He raised his eyebrows, definitely pleased.

* * *

Blaine took his time in the bathroom, and phoned Rachel as quietly as possible. He did promise to call her, and for her own peace of mind, needed to know that her best friend was safe.

"You're at his place, aren't you? You are! I knew it! On the first night! I can't believe you, Blaine."

Blaine rolled his eyes, and searched around the small bathroom, opening all the cabinets quietly to see what kind of products Sebastian was dealing with. Hopefully this could be used against him later in the week. "Rachel, I am not going to sleep with him."

"Oh, you are such a hussy," She squealed, "You can't hide those lyin' eyes."

Blaine chuckled quietly to himself and looked in the mirror to brush a few of his misbehaving curls off of his forehead. "_NO.. No._ Because _I _can practice some self-control… unlike _some _people I know."

"Oh. Really. That hurts, kind-of."

Blaine disregarded her comment. "I'm going to dangle the bait—"

"Wait, what's the bait?"

Blaine paused, dumbfounded. "_I'm_ the bait, Rachel."

"Oh! Oh, yeah! I got it. I'm with you.

Blaine then heard music from downstairs, and bit his lip. He didn't want to take too long. "I have to go. I can't talk, Rachel."

"Okay! Call me later, you slut. Love you. Bye!"

* * *

Sebastian made his way around the loft, making sure the mood was perfect. Low lighting was calming, and a smattering of candles were currently being lit. He stopped at his iHome, and pressed 'shuffle.' Dirty hip-hop started to play, and he wrinkled his nose. This wasn't the headspace he needed to be in.

"A diamond… is a _long-term_ commitment." He nodded, and quickly canceled the hip-hop, changing it over to Al Green for easy listening.

Just a moment later, Blaine emerged from the bathroom and smiled at Sebastian. He placed his wallet and cell phone on the side table next to the door just as a beer was placed in his hands. "Thank you." He took a sip, and curiously, but slowly paced the room. Sebastian's bedroom was very minimalistic, and very cosy. Blaine could tell he took care of himself, and was rather particular about how he lived. "_This could be easy to screw up_," he thought. Blaine easily made his way to the foot of the bed and sat down, humming in surprise when the soft mattress enveloped him in a cloud-like manner. He crossed his legs and leaned back, making sure his thigh and ass that were hugged tightly in the skinny fabric was visibly seen by the other man. Blaine bit his lip, and turned on his bedroom eyes again, brushing his hand over the comforter as to beckon for Sebastian to join him.

Sebastian watched Blaine's sinful movements. As much as he wanted to toss the idea of this bet out the window, and just ravage Blaine, he wouldn't allow himself to. He kept his feelings in check. Sebastian gave him a smirk and instead sat on the decorative bench on the other wall, parallel to the bed. He have his beer a long slug, and patted the empty spot on the bench next to him.

Blaine pouted when he didn't get his way, then stood up to join Sebastian. Even though they were being playful, he didn't want to push _too many_ boundaries in the house of someone he just met. The bed was for later. He joined Sebastian on the bench, sitting so close that their thighs were touching. He would have to do something big to truly hook him. He smiled at him cunningly, then took a sip of his beer. In one swift move, Blaine turned to Sebastian and cupped the back of his neck, bringing their lips together. He didn't waste his time with slow moves, and urgently kissed him, pulling his body closer.

Sebastian could barely process the fact that he was being kissed, and he liked it. Blaine's movements were firm, but his lips were inviting, and soft. He kissed him back, but only for a moment. If it were any other night, he would have let this play out, but he gently held the other's shoulders and pulled away gently. "Hey. Hey… Let's not go _too_ fast, okay?" He looked into Blaine's eyes, their lips still ghosting each other.

Blaine nodded, for a moment he thought that his hooking movement was ruined with someone who had strong morals. This would make things difficult. "Y-yeah. Yeah. Of course." He shrugged and rolled his eyes, taking a long drink from his bottle.

Blaine's sheepish act was adorable to Sebastian, but he didn't want to ruin the evening, and he definitely didn't want Blaine to leave and forget him. "_Give him more_," he thought. "_Tease him mercilessly…_" Sebastian stood up and sat his beer bottle down, then immediately took Blaine's from his hands. He crashed their lips together. Blaine hummed in surprise, but gave in, and wrapped his arms around Sebastian's neck. Sebastian responded by slipping his arms around Blaine's waist, slipping his tongue past his eager lips to taste more.

Thank god the morals were out the window. Blaine opened up immediately, gliding their lips and tongues together, and _damn_… Sebastian was fantastic. He wouldn't have minded a little one night stand if it weren't for work. The kiss didn't last much longer. Blaine would have been completely gone if he allowed it to continue. "No, no.." He broke away from those delicious, vicious lips and let himself cool for a moment. Just because he was acting, didn't mean he wasn't human. "You're right. It's too fast." He nodded, and looked into Sebastian's eyes, kneading his own lower lip between his teeth unconsciously.

"Okay," Sebastian replied. He would respect Blaine's wishes, although he had no motive to sleep with him. This was about love. He caught the other's gaze, and then looked at his lips. Biting. He blinked. "_Shit_," he thought. "_Fuck, he's so hot_." Without a second to lose, the pair moved in for another kiss willingly, this one hotter than before. Blaine slipped his fingers in Sebastian's hair, the perfectly coiffed strands now completely mussed. He hummed at the desperation of it all, and pressed his body fully into the taller man. Sebastian's hands wandered from Blaine's waist to his ass, and picked him up by the perfect mounds far too easily. He turned towards the bed, and gently laid Blaine down. Their lips never parted, and he moved to cover the other's petite body with his own.

Sebastian's hips wiggled between Blaine's legs slightly, and he groaned into his mouth, lapping and tasting him slowly. Blaine still had his hand hooked in his hair, which was definitely a turn-on for Sebastian. He was becoming more heated, and could feel that Blaine was as well. They needed to stop. Soon. Hopefully he could explore Blaine a little more within the next ten days.

Blaine and Sebastian broke the kiss simultaneously. "Too fast." Blaine looked up at him from the comfort of the pillows he was cradled against, his breathing somewhat labored, and lips reddened from kisses.

"Yeah, too fast." Sebastian agreed.

"I want you to respect me," Blaine explained, his hands gripping the other's biceps.

Sebastian stayed in the position, hovering over Blaine. "I do, and I also want your respect."

Blaine nodded, "I respect you for respecting me."

Sebastian smiled down and him, and reluctantly crawled his way off of Blaine. He offered his hand and helped him up, the tension still very thick.

Blaine chose not to stay any longer, feeling that Sebastian was properly hooked, and politely bid the man adieu. He picked his phone up from the side table, and made his way out into the dark street, hailing himself a cab. He smirked to himself. The gears were definitely turning, and an almost full game plan was working its way in his brain.

"Goodnight, Blaine Anderson," Sebastian's voice called from a fire escape from above. Blaine stopped on the sidewalk and looked up with an affectionate smile. Sebastian waved.

_"__Ohhh, you are already falling in love with me…" _He mumbled to himself.

Blaine pressed a kiss to two fingers, and waved back before whispering quietly, _"I'm going to make you wish you were dead… poor guy." _He entered his cab, and was on his way back home quickly. Blaine felt a sense of accomplishment the whole time. Little did Sebastian know, Blaine's wallet was still on his side table, and the surprise inside was something to be greatly treasured.

* * *

**_xxMae_**


	4. Chapter 4

_I do not own this plot or any of the characters, I just like to reimagine the universe for my own pleasure. These belong to Paramount and Fox._

*Seblaine version of_ How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days_. This is a retelling of the 2003 movie, with a few small tweaks to the plot and dialogue.*

*It helps if you've seen it, but isn't necessary!*

_Thanks to Mary and Cat for helping me unleash my ideas- even when they're not that great. Also, thanks for bitching about Game of Thrones with me. You guys are the best._

_Tumblr: nonfatmocha_

* * *

**_Chapter 4_**

"Of all the people Spears and Greene could have thrown at me, this man is… amazing. Hanging with him for ten days is going to be no problem." Sebastian composedly spoke with Nick and Jeff as they entered the office for the day. He collected his mail, and thumbed through it without interest.

"Riiight," Nick droned, "That's only nine days longer than you've spent with any other person, huh?"

"That's why I didn't go for the goal immediately. I'm taking my time. It's a marathon, not a sprint."

Jeff scoffed at his friend, "Ten days is a marathon?"

Sebastian rolled his eyes. They entered their shared office, and Nick shut the door behind them before taking their seats at their respective desks. "Okay, so it's more like a three-thousand meter hurdle. The point is, he's already on the ropes, guys."

"Wow, that's a lot of sports analogies," Jeff remarked.

For now, no work was being completed and Sebastian motioned to a small bundle of leather on his desk. He smirked.

"W-what's that?" Nick asked, already having a hunch. "Is that his?"

"Yeah. It's his," Sebastian replied, leaning back comfortably in his chair.

"Have you looked inside yet?"

"No." He shook his head firmly.

Jeff peered at it closely, using Sebastian's desk lamp for better sight. "Do you have an ethical problem with looking through someone's wallet?"

"Yeah, I guess I do." He shrugged. "It really isn't my business. There could be things in there I want to know nothing about."

Nick cleared his throat. "Yeah, you know… unless of course, he left it behind intentionally to secure a next-day call back."

"Yep. He's very clever." Sebastian raised his eyebrow, but he still wouldn't budge.

The room was silent for a moment, and the trio just stared at the wallet. Nick took matters into his own hands and let out an exaggerated cough as he stood up and knocked the wallet halfway across the room. The leather binding landed with its contents splayed on the floor. "Oh, sorry. My bad. Gotta clean it up."

"Shit…" Sebastian rushed to the scene of the crime and hovered over the items. Nick and Jeff followed, surveying what was inside. It wasn't anything unususal. A small amount of cash, a condom, an ID and a couple credit cards, and something a bit more dodgy poking out of the larger compartment. Sebastian picked up the wallet and fished out the nearly-mussed papers. He gasped, not believing what he was staring at. "Oh shit…" He showed it to his friends. "Knicks tickets… for tonight's game."

* * *

"Delivery for Blaine Anderson?" A courier stopped by his desk and handed him a clipboard for his signature. He thanked the man, assuming that he was signing for another Amazon package that he had no recollection of ordering (mobile shopping was really dangerous when wine was involved). He looked up to see a line of four additional couriers lining up at his desk. His jaw dropped. Each of them held a vase of roses.

Many of the other employees saw the convoy, and chattered excitedly as if this was the only form of gossip they would get to live through for the rest of the month. Rachel nearly fell out of her seat, and approached Blaine's desk to view the spectacle. She took it upon herself to fish out the notecards attached to the vases and beamed. "One-hundred times more beautiful than one-hundred roses." She squealed and fanned herself in excitement.

"Catchy," Tina said with an unamused tone. She wasn't sure if she was more disgusted by the cheesy tagline, or the fact that she would be forced to stare at Blaine through a jungle of roses while she worked.

Blaine wasn't entirely amused, but he smiled anyway. The flowers were lovely nonetheless. "The guy's in advertising. He can't help it."

Tina poked at one of the flowers and pursed her lips. "So, does this mean he's hooked?"

Blaine smirked, "This means he found the Knicks tickets."

"You left the tickets in your wallet?!" Rachel exclaimed, she already knew of Blaine's plan to leave it in Sebastian's apartment. "You… are on a whole different playing field." She shook her head, semi-jealous of the amount of game Blaine possessed.

Like clockwork, Blaine's work phone began to ring and he rolled his eyes at Rachel as he reached to answer it. "Blaine Anderson…"

"Hey hey, handsome," Sebastian said coolly from the other end.

Blaine snickered. "Guess what? I got a really embarrassing display of white roses…"

"You're welcome. I had a really wonderful time last night… and I have your wallet."

Blaine played dumb, "Ohhh, I know! I can't believe I left it there." The girls were loving this, and covered their mouths to try to quiet their laughs.

"Well, you must need it back. You know… with all the cash, credit cards, and those Knicks tickets for tonight's game."

Blaine mock gasped, "It sounds like you've taken a little peek through my wallet, Sebastian."

"Oh, no," He replied, "Absolutely not. You see, Nick, my art director, he's a klutz, and accidentally knocked it off of my desk." Sebastian glared at Nick and lightly kicked his shin as a cue.

"OW! Oh y—yeah right. I'm a clumsy man," he stammered, giving him a dramatized conformation of Sebastian's story.

Blaine laughed, "All right… I'm sorry, though. I'm going to the game with somebody else," he lied.

"Not anymore. Besides, you think you left your wallet at my place by accident? No, subconsciously you are _dying_ to take me to that game. Denying your subconscious desires is extremely dangerous to your health, my good sir."

"Does that psychobabble really work on anybody?"

"I don't know. You tell me."

Blaine paused, and cleared his throat, pausing as if he had something to contemplate. "Alright. Meet me at the 7th Avenue entrance. Seven-thirty. Don't be late."

Sebastian pumped his fist once in excitement. "You got it. I'll see you then. Bye!" He clicked the phone off, and placed the tickets safely in Blaine's wallet once again, turning to Nick and Jeff with a bit of sass. "… and that's how it's done."

Blaine said his goodbyes as well and hung up, letting out a pent-up laugh with Tina and Rachel. "… and that's how it's done."

* * *

The Knicks trailed The Kings by two points in the third quarter. Even though there was an entire quarter to go to gain a lead, the score was too close for comfort— especially when an unneeded foul was called against the Knicks. The crowd erupted in upset. Blaine groaned loudly and ripped the foam finger from his hand, tossing it in the seat.

"_The fuck, ref_?! What was that?"

Sebastian also shouted a string of profanities, then turned to smile at Blaine when he saw him so passionate about the call. Although he didn't quite look like the type, Blaine was an absolute sucker for basketball. It was one of the only things he and his father connected with when he was younger. So, he was more than excited that he could attend the game, and even more excited to find the opportune moment to screw the evening up for Sebastian. Soon, their grumbles turned to cheers as The Kings missed their free throws, and a timeout was called. The pair sat back in their seats, and Sebastian made sure to sit close to Blaine, resting a hand comfortably on his thigh. The crowd began to ooh and ahh, and everyone's attention was turned to the display board— the crowd favorite 'Kiss Cam' was making a roll through the audience. Blaine smiled as it showed a few hesitant couples, then an adorable elderly couple, and took a moment to realize that the next pair on the display screen was himself and Sebastian. He laughed for a moment, then Sebastian nudged him and pointed.

"Look! Come on!" He grinned widely.

Blaine chuckled and leaned in, kissing him fully on the lips. Sebastian's hand grazed the side of his neck gently, and they lingered a moment as the crowd went insane. They pulled away— Blaine had a slight blush on his cheeks, and Sebastian was laughing. He turned to Blaine and gave a satisfied smile, raising his hand for a high-five that was happily reciprocated.

* * *

The game continued, and was as tense as they expected. In the closing minutes, a fanfare started to play which brought the audience to their feet to shout 'charge!' Sebastian joined in, and Blaine stayed seated for a moment, a twinkle in his eye, and a smirk forming at his lips. He cleared his throat and stood up, speaking in Sebastian's ear.

"Sebastian?"

The taller man was clearly interested in the game, and leaned his ear towards Blaine without pulling his gaze from the court. "Yeah?"

"Sebastian, I'm kind of thirsty. Can you get me a soda?"

Sebastian was still looking at the court. "Yeah, there's a minute and nine seconds left in the game, and we'll totally go get one."

"I'm parched," he pouted just as Sebastian caught his eye, and then shrugged. "It's fine! No worries. I'll go up and get it." He started to leave his seat, but was stopped.

Sebastian sighed. He wasn't going to miss an opportunity to be a gentleman. He really needed to prove himself, and take it to the next level. If Blaine was thirsty, he'd get what he wanted. Regardless of the time in the game. "No. You stay right here. I'll get it for you."

Blaine's eyes lit up, and he smiled. "Thanks a lot, Seb! No ice, okay? Thank you!"

Right in the nick of time, a last minute time-out was called. The game was dangerously close, and The Knicks would have to strategize hard to pull off a victory. Sebastian used this chance to sprint quickly up the stairs and to the concession line. There was only one window open since the game was nearing its end, and it was manned by the slowest, chattiest employee possible. Sebastian half ignored everything he said, and bribed him with a twenty dollar bill to keep if he just handed over the soft drink as quickly as possible. The money was half-thrown at the man, and Sebastian sprinted nimbly back to their seats. "_No big deal_," He thought. "_The concessions might be closed later, and you still get to see the game_."

Blaine watched the game as if Sebastian never even left, and was too busy screaming at the court to see that the other had returned. "Oh! Thanks!" He smiled and took the drink, sipping it slowly. Then, another idea popped in his head. The game was intense, and The Knicks were down by two points with just seconds left in the game. One carefully planned shot would win it all. Blaine screwed up his face in disgust as Sebastian's attentions returned to the court, and he placed the cup back in his hands. "Sebastian, it's not diet." He frowned. "It's not diet coke, I can't drink this." Blaine gave him the saddest eyes he could muster. "Please? I'm so thirsty!"

Sebastian had a hard time hiding his facial expressions this time, and annoyance was starting to peek through. He huffed, and reluctantly began to make his way back up the stairs to get Blaine what he needed. He took his time, and paused every few steps to turn and glance at the court. Ten seconds. The clock was ticking down, and the ball was in The Knick's hands. "_Run, Seb. You can see the final shot on the TV in the concession line_," he tightened his hands into fists and bolted up the stairs. The crowd was going insane— Blaine included. The final shot was made, and sunk perfectly in the hoop.

Sebastian was one second too late.

He hunched over in defeat, and nodded sadly. "_At least they won_," He thought to himself, then returned to the concession window to order Blaine's diet soda.

* * *

"What an incredible game!" Blaine boasted, hooking his arm in Sebastian's as they exited the busy halls of Madison Square Garden. "I have never seen a more exciting game ever played before." He grinned, rubbing it in slightly, but still playing dumb. He could sense the tension, and knew that his little endeavor annoyed Sebastian. He'd just have to turn it up even more tomorrow.

"You know, neither have I," Sebastian responded.

Blaine stepped to the curb and hailed himself a cab. "You know, it's too bad you missed it."

Sebastian smiled at him lovingly, brushing off the incident. He had to remind himself that this date wasn't about basketball. "Yeah. Too bad." He opened the cab door for Blaine, standing close to him for a moment.

Blaine looked up at him and smirked, once again turning on his bedroom eyes. "So, are you as nice as you seem, Seb?"

A smirk tugged the corners of Sebastian's lips, and he shrugged slightly before making a definite answer. "No," he said, leaning in to press a soft kiss to the corner of Blaine's lips.

Blaine beamed. He really was sweet. "Good," he responded, "Neither am I." He passed the half-empty soda cup to Sebastian and entered the cab, then gave him a wink. "See ya later."

Sebastian waved and watched as the yellow taxi grew faint, then turned to leave. He had never let anyone come between himself and The Knicks before. Though, if the next ten days were successful, it would have definitely been worth it.

* * *

_**xxMae**_


	5. Chapter 5

_I do not own this plot or any of the characters, I just like to reimagine the universe for my own pleasure. These belong to Paramount and Fox._

*Seblaine version of_ How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days_. This is a retelling of the 2003 movie, with a few small tweaks to the plot and dialogue.*

*It helps if you've seen it, but isn't necessary!*

_Tumblr: nonfatmocha_

* * *

**Chapter 5**

_"_Horseshit!" William Schuester wasn't pleased as he slammed storyboards on the meeting table. Sebastian, Jeff, Nick, and The Judies collected their respective work with somber faces. "Come on, people. We've got to do a lot better than this if we're going to compe—"

A timid assistant knocked on the board room's door politely, then peeked her head inside. The interruption definitely wasn't helping Will's nerves.

"Hi, Excuse me. There's a phone call for Mr. Smythe."

Sebastian's attention turned to the door. "Can you take a message for me, please?"

The assistant lowered her voice, and she smiled a little. She clearly knew the gossip about Sebastian's deal, and was giddy to deliver the news. "Um, Mr. Smythe… it's Blaine." Sebastian turned to Will, asking silent permission.

Will shrugged, "Make it quick…"

Sebastian nodded and grabbed the phone, dialing in to his line. "Hello?"

"IT'S ME!" Blaine announced loudly and jovially in a sing-song voice. Tina and Rachel were perched next to him on his couch, finding it difficult to silence their laughter again.

"Hey, can I call you back in a minute? I'm in the middle of a meeting—"

Blaine disregarded his comment and kept talking in his best baby voice, "Oh, I miss you my Sebby-Webby."

Sebastian kept his face stone, "Well, you know what? I miss you, too." The rest of the board room snickered; The Judies simultaneously rolled their eyes. These were words usually unsaid by Sebastian Smythe the master player.

"Are you busy tonight?" Blaine asked.

"Um, no. No, I'm not. Why don't we catch a movie, or something?"

Blaine gasped over-enthusiastically. "A movie?! My choice?!"

"Yeah, your choice."

"Oh. My. God. I'm so excited! Okay! I'll call you later! Byeeee!"

"Bye…" Sebastian hung up the phone slowly, still a little confused with their encounter. All eyes were still on him, and he cleared his throat before nodding to Will to continue the meeting.

* * *

The fact that movies released decades ago were still purchased by small theaters to be shown on the big screen completely blew Sebastian's mind. This was the age of Netflix and Amazon, and instead he was paying a small fortune for popcorn and candy to watch _Indiana Jones _with strangers surrounding him. It made more sense to watch it at home in pajamas, and maybe even get halfway lucky. But, this was Blaine's choice, and once again, Sebastian checked his feelings at the door. Blaine would get what he wanted without question.

Blaine loved _Indiana Jones, _and had since he was a small kid. So, it didn't bother him at all to order the largest popcorn on the menu, and eat it as noisily as possible as the movie played. He also enjoyed giving Sebastian a live commentary. "Oh my god. I so badly wanted to be Indy when I grew up," He shrugged. "I still kind of do…" A rather large man sat behind them, becoming annoyed by the chattering. The man shushed him, then Blaine groaned to drown the protest out. "Ohhhh, I've always wanted a man like Harrison Ford. Mmmm. It's just… my favorite movie of all time."

Sebastian ate his snacks quietly and answered Blaine shortly, hoping that he would get the hint and keep quiet. "Me, too."

The man shushed him again, and the gears started turning in Blaine's head. He was quiet for a moment, then turned to face Sebastian. "What are you thinking about?" He asked around a piece of popcorn in his mouth.

Sebastian's eyes didn't leave the screen, and he quietly whispered, "Nothing. I'm watching the movie."

The large man loudly cleared his throat.

Blaine wouldn't accept the answer. "Yeah, but what's on your mind?"

He shushed them again.

"I like this movie," Sebastian responded quietly.

Blaine crammed more popcorn in his mouth, "Oh? So, I suppose your mind is a complete blank?" He narrowed his eyes in confusion, and spoke a little louder, "Who is he?!"

The man huffed.

This time Sebastian turned to Blaine and gave a confusing look. "Who's who?"

"The MAN you're thinking about."

The large man's patience was clearly running thin. "Can't hear…"

"I'm not thinking about a man…" Sebastian was also starting to lose patience.

"You can't watch Harrison Ford for two hours and not be thinking about another man!"

Sebastian sighed, and moved for the final attempt to make it silent. "You wanna know what I'm thinking about?"

Blaine looked annoyed, "Um, yes?"

Sebastian turned to him and leaned closer, almost whispering into his ear, "I'm sitting here thinking about how fucking gorgeous you are… Come on, now. Let's watch the movie." He grinned and took his hand.

"_Fuck, that was smooth_," Blaine thought to himself, but it wasn't enough. He needed to take drastic measures. Blaine smiled dopily, and cooed loudly at his date. "Awwwww. Sebby!"

Sebastian returned the smile, happy he could make Blaine feel good— even though all he wanted was to not be the dreaded embarrassing loud people in the theater.

Blaine leaned over into Sebastian's seat and fully wrapped his arms around his neck, blocking the view of the large man behind them. "Oh, my sweet pea! I love sharing his moment with you!" Sebastian rolled his eyes.

"Can't hear, _AND_ can't see!" The large man was officially done.

Blaine tossed his popcorn bag into the empty seat beside him and turned a complete one-eighty to face the man and point at him. "If you don't _shut up_, my boyfriend here is going to come back there and pummel your ass."

"Put a muzzle on your boy the next time you bring him out in public!" He stood up angrily and growled at Sebastian. "You. Outside."

Sebastian raised his hands to try to calm the man down, but clearly he wasn't going to budge. He stood up and hastily followed him. Blaine gave a pained smile, and sunk in his seat a little before getting up to trail behind Sebastian.

"Have a little class," Sebastian explained, finally exiting the theater. "You want to talk to me like that? Fine. We can work it out, but don't talk to _him_ that way." This had the potential to be noble as fuck.

Blaine quickly pulled Sebastian by his arm and shook his head. He honestly didn't mean for things to get physical, and he didn't want them to. "No, no. This guy is huge."

Sebastian reassured him. "No, it's fine. I've got it. I'm not going to get in a fight with the guy, okay? But, he owes you an apology." He broke away from Blaine and turned to speak to the man, but barely even had a chance to open his mouth before a large fist connected with the side of his eye. Sebastian stumbled to the ground, and Blaine shrieked, bolting to his side and taking him in his arms. He knew he needed to make Sebastian's life miserable, but the guy didn't deserve to be hurt. The large man had made his peace with the situation, and returned to the theater. Blaine had Sebastian's head against his chest.

"Are you okay?"

Sebastian groaned, but in reality, the punch wasn't the worst thing he had ever felt. It startled him more than it hurt, so he wasn't upset. This was a way of defending Blaine's honor, and it was about to win him major points.

"Sebastian, seriously. Are you okay? You could have a concussion, and I need to get you to the emergency room, or something."

"No, no," He responed, burying his face into Blaine's chest and nuzzling it slowly. "Can you just stay still? Right here?"

"God, I'm sorry. Yeah." He did as he was asked and gently brushed his fingers through his date's sandy hair. Blaine was a little concerned, but soon started to become skeptical as Sebastian's groans seemed to morph into moans of pleasure.

Sebastian raised his head a little, now allowing his face to sink into the crook of Blaine's neck. He moaned softly, and dragged his lips over the soft skin before kissing it gently.

Blaine laughed and hit Sebastian's shoulder playfully. "_NOT_ funny! You are _FINE_. You scared me!" He pushed Sebastian off of him and stood up. The other was laughing almost maniacally on the floor. "Okay, Rocky. Get up. Let's get out of here." Blaine offered a hand and pulled him to his feet, noticing how completely irresistible Sebastian looked when he was genuinely laughing.

* * *

The next day over a wholesome lunch of street vendor hot dogs in Greeley Square, Jeff surveyed the bruise forming along Sebastian's eyebrow and temple. "Ouch!" He remarked, "Don't feel bad, man. Hey, if I had a nickel every time I got in a fist fight at a theater…" He chuckled.

Sebastian grinned, "It really wasn't that bad, you know? I mean, getting hit in the face sucked, right? But, getting taken care of after the punch? That was nice."

Jeff raised his eyebrows, "Oh yeah! Florence Nightingale Syndrome. Do you want me to tape the game for you tonight?"

"No need, my friend. I will be watching The Knicks from the comfort of my own home this evening."

Jeff looked at him skeptically. Game night was a sacred tradition when they weren't working, and always resulted in a bar meeting with a few too many beers, but Blaine was more important for now. "Why? What are you planning?"

Sebastian smirked. "What's the coup de grâce? Every time?"

Jeff shook his head. "You're making lamb, aren't you?"

"Voila. Everyone loves a man who can cook. Especially if that man is a Frenchman who can cook."

"Oh, man. You're bringing out the big guns! Go deep. I like it!"

* * *

Blaine groaned, picking apart his burger. "Why do they always forget my bacon?!" He, Tina, and Rachel were sat in a circle near their desks enjoying a quick lunch together.

"I can't believe you got him knocked out!" Tina gaped, taking a bite of sushi.

"Only for a few seconds. He was… " his face softened, "…the most adorable wounded man ever." He smiled, and took a massive bite of his burger.

"Are you dating him, or are you contemplating adoption?" Rachel giggled, then almost choked on her salad as Lana approached them out of nowhere.

"Blaine, I am _loving_ your notes on this piece," she praised.

Blaine didn't have a chance to politely swallow, so he just spoke, covering his mouth with his fingertips. "Sank you, Lana."

"When are you seeing him again?"

He forced it down and cleared his throat, "Tonight. He invited me over for dinner."

"Marvelous. I've got a feeling about this one!" She turned to leave hastily.

"Thanks, Lana." Blaine looked appalled the moment she left, and Rachel groaned quietly.

"God, I _hate_ when she pops in like that!"

Lana was back again, and snidely looked at Rachel, clearing her throat. "I heard that, and Blaine… tonight?" She paused, cringing at him. "Take smaller bites…" This time she left for good, leaving the awkward comment lingering in the air.

Blaine paused, letting the comment resonate for a moment, then all three burst out laughing.

"Oh my god, disgusting," Tina remarked through a breathy laugh.

Blaine just shrugged and raised his eyebrows. "_Yeahhhh_. Like _that's_ going to happen."

* * *

**_xxMae_**


	6. Chapter 6

_I do not own this plot or any of the characters, I just like to reimagine the universe for my own pleasure. These belong to Paramount and Fox._

*Seblaine version of_ How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days_. This is a retelling of the 2003 movie, with a few small tweaks to the plot and dialogue.*

*It helps if you've seen it, but isn't necessary!*

_Song use: 'You're So Vain' by: Carly Simon_

_Tumblr: nonfatmocha_

* * *

__**Chapter 6**

Everything that Blaine dished out for Sebastian so far was beginning to seem like child's play. It was day three, and he really needed to up the ante. Sebastian had invited him over for dinner, and hinted towards a marvelous date-night feast in front of the television to watch The Knicks continue in the finals. Unfortunately for Sebastian— Blaine had other plans.

Blaine knocked politely on the door, entering when he heard Sebastian's welcoming voice. He was lugging a box, and it was full of goodies to carry out the next stage of his plan. "Hey there, handsome," Sebastian greeted, looking up from his chopping for only a second to smile at him, "I hope you brought your appetite tonight, because we've got a feast to demolish."

Blaine smiled at him, and turned the corner. His breath hitched, and he stopped in his tracks at the lovely sight. Sebastian had cleared his living room and moved his small dining table to the middle. For now, easy listening was purring from the iHome. The television was on silent, but peered over the seats like a theater screen, and ran recaps of the previous games in the championship. The table was the most exquisite part, though. Salad and fresh baked bread was already awaiting them atop a white linen cloth. Vintage wicker-lined chianti bottles held long taper candles, and red wax was dripping down the glass. It was like a scene in a movie, and Blaine's heart fluttered for a moment. No one had ever put this much effort into a date night for him before. He regretted his evil plan only for a moment, and pushed his feelings aside. He had a job to do.

"Oh, Sebby!" He sang in a semi-baby voice, "Isn't this sweet?!"

Sebastian beamed at the reaction, still putting the finishing touches on their meal. "Go ahead and pour yourself a glass of wine. Make yourself comfortable. Dinner will be served in about five minutes, and tip-off is in eight!"

"Great! I'm starving," Blaine responded. He sat the box on the floor, and started pulling out the contents. It was time to leave his own mark on Sebastian's territory. First, he spread a large, grandma-like quilt over Sebastian's bed. It had patterns of orange, red, and brown, and completely clashed with the monochromatic scheme of Sebastian's bedroom suite. He topped it off with a plush dog, just to add to the tackiness. Next, Blaine moved to the bathroom. He adorned the toilet with a fuzzy seat cover, woven with bright flowers— then put a small display of matching fake flowers on the top of the tank to match. He nodded at his work, then made his way to the living room. A picture of himself now graced the coffee table, and several home decor and fashion magazines were placed around for easy viewing. The couch also was the new home of a pack of plush Valentine's Day bears that had no business as accents in any grown man's apartment, let alone the late summer season.

Sebastian was too busy pulling a loaded roasting pan from the oven to pay attention to what Blaine was doing. Every detail had to be perfect, and not just specifically for his date. He loved cooking, and was very precise with his creations. He had his French mother to blame for that. The lid of the pan was removed, and a delectable aroma wafted through the air. He closed his eyes and hummed. Lamb was his favorite. He sliced into the rack and bounced on his heels in excitement—it was perfect. Sebastian plated the rack of lamb alongside steamed veggies and potatoes, and topped it off with his signature cherry balsamic glaze. He admired the dish for a moment, and was amazed at what he pulled off. "Cela sent merveilleux. Travail incroyable, Sebastian." He praised himself, and collected the platter to place at the table.

Meanwhile, Blaine took control of the iHome, and changed the mellow reggae music to Carly Simon. 'You're So Vain' started to play just as Sebastian was ready to entertain. Blaine swayed his hips to the music, and began crooning loudly. He could definitely hold a tune, but this was nothing of the sort. Sebastian paused and watched Blaine for a moment, then all of the trinkets around his flat began to catch his eye. He bit his lip, and tried to be accepting of it all. He wanted Blaine to feel as comfortable as possible for the next week. His career depended upon it. "I saw the new comforter… and the bears." He had to speak loudly over Blaine's obnoxious singing.

_"…__you had one eye in the mirror as you watched yourself Gavotte…"_

"Wow. They're very cute and… cuddly."

_"…__and all the girls dreamed that— THEY'D BE SEB'S PARTNER… THEY'D BE SEB'S PARTNER and… you're so vain."_

Sebastian chuckled at Blaine's playfulness and the use of his own name in the song, then his eyes caught the box that Blaine brought with him. He tweaked an eyebrow curiously. "What do you have in the box?"

Blaine's face brightened, and he retrieved a small potted plant, bringing it to Sebastian. "It's a baby fern! Just like our relationship." His eyes were innocent, yet he had to fight back the urge to laugh at his own ridiculousness. "A helpless little baby in need of tender, loving care." He placed the pot in the other's hands and made his way to the table, continuing his bizarre dancing.

"Wow," Sebastian said, "Thank you?" He smiled appreciatively and gave it a home on the breakfast bar, shut off the music, and then quickly made his way to the table. "All right, game time! Welcome to the front row, my good man." He led him to his seat, and politely draped a cloth napkin over Blaine's lap. "Dinner is served. Bon appétit, bel homme. Chef's special tonight. Lamb with a cherry glaze."

Aside from his skewed behavior, Blaine's heart fluttered again. He could cook, _and _speak French. This man had the potential to get him in a lot of trouble. Blaine's mouth watered. He wanted nothing more than to tear that rack of lamb apart. He was a sucker for good cuisine. Alas, his actions from the beginning of the evening were nowhere near insane enough to cease now. Just as Sebastian retrieved the tongs to serve Blaine, he teared up, pressing his fingers to his lips.

Sebastian stopped and nearly dropped the utensil. "Hey. Hey… are you okay?" He placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, genuinely concerned.

"It's beautiful. You're beautiful. The game… the whole thing." He paused, and let out a sob of dramatic flair. "I wish I ate meat…"

Sebastian's stomach sank. He didn't even think to ask Blaine if he had any dietary restrictions. He must have been pescatarian since they had seafood on their first unofficial date. He didn't know what to say. He was equally disappointed that a whole lamb rack was going to waste, but also felt like an ass for ruining the night.

"Mary had a little lamb…" Blaine sang, "Little lamb…" he sniffled, then shook his head. "You have to get this away from me before I gag…" He said quickly, fake-gagging for good measure.

Sebastian removed the platter, but he wouldn't let this ruin the night. He would fix it for Blaine.

* * *

Blossom was a small, hole-in-the-wall diner that was a dream for anyone practicing a vegan lifestyle. Obscure sitar music played over the speakers, and there was a wheatgrass bar ready for anyone who wanted to take a vitamin-packed shot of the disgusting antioxidant. Sebastian used his fork to pick around at the bowl of sprouts, quinoa, and barley— this was what would make him gag. He took a bite and tried it, forcing it down with a glass of water. "_God, this stuff's for cows_," He thought. He then turned his attention to Blaine who was also picking at his food. "Hey. You doing okay?"

Blaine held his tummy as if it were upset. "I'm good. Just a little indigestion. I'll be fine." He smiled at him curtly, then picked at his bowl again.

The pair was soon approached by a waitress, who looked at Blaine in question. "Um, is there something wrong with the barley, sir?"

Blaine shook his head immediately. "Oh, no. No," He paused, then his face screwed up in distress, and he sobbed. Thank god for theater classes when he was younger. "My boyfriend thinks I'm fat!" He wailed.

Sebastian choked on his sprouts and dropped his fork in shock.

"I can't… I can't eat in front of you! I have to go to the bathroom…"

"Blaine— I don't—"

Blaine got up and stormed off to the bathroom. The waitress didn't say a word, but her eyes could have murdered Sebastian if given the chance.

"I don't think he's fat!" He tried to defend himself. Sebastian shook his head and stared at the bowl, wishing he would have just cooked an alternate meal at home. The Knicks would have never made him this embarrassed.

* * *

Blaine didn't go to the bathroom, and instead made his way to the kitchen in the back of the restaurant. His friend, Mike was awaiting him with a burrito from Taco Bell. "Thanks, Mikey. You're a lifesaver!" He grinned and crammed half of the burrito in his mouth in one bite. Mikey and his kitchen staff had a television hooked up, displaying the basketball game— it was perfect for Blaine to catch the end of the game and eat real food. He couldn't handle the vegan stuff either. "Get the ball back… GET THE BALL BACK!" He groaned, watching in disbelief as the players fumbled, then missed their next shot, losing the game. Blaine huffed and crammed one more bite of his burrito as Mikey threw his towel across the room in anger. "Next game, my friend. We've got this." He patted his back and made his way back to the dining area. The two finished their "meal" in almost silence, then left to head back to Sebastian's apartment.

* * *

Sebastian didn't bring up the scene that was made at the restaurant. He would just assume that Blaine was having a bad day, and the lamb incident didn't help, and leave the issue stagnant. His only concern was the fact that he missed the game. Upon entering, he dropped his helmet on the accent chair and quickly turned the television on to be recapped for the game. Blaine sat on the couch, watching him.

"There we go!" Sebastian praised as The Knicks started strong.

"Well, that was fun!" Blaine interrupted, "I'm sorry we missed the game."

Sebastian was only half-listening. The recap was speedy, and quickly broadcast the team's shortcoming.

"God, I can't believe he missed that shot," Blaine said without thinking.

Sebastian cheered as the player made the shot, and groaned loudly as it spun around the basket, and missed. "Nooo! How the hell did you know he was going to miss that shot?" His eyes didn't leave the screen.

"_Shitshitshit_!" Blaine thought. His eyes widened in panic. "He— always misses the shot from the top of the key…" Yeah. That would do.

Sebastian turned the television off, and plopped on the couch in frustration. He paused and turned to Blaine for a moment. "Houston never misses from the top of the key…"

"_Fuck_, h_e's right,_" Blaine thought, terrified that he would be caught in a lie. He needed a distraction, and fast. He whipped his head towards his date and quickly grabbed his thigh, running his fingers towards his crotch. Sebastian tweaked an eyebrow, then widened his eyes completely as Blaine straddled his lap. "Mmmm." He moaned, moving to work on unbuttoning Sebastian's dress shirt. Blaine playfully growled at him, and pressed kisses over his chest as he slowly exposed skin.

"Woah…" Sebastian remarked, a little weirded out by the sudden move.

"Does Princess Sophia want to come out and play?" He turned on his bedroom eyes, trying to seduce and turn Sebastian off at the same time.

"_The fuck?!_" Sebastian couldn't even hide his face this time. This wasn't okay. "Who's— Princess Sophia?" He asked with a concerned face, although he had a good idea who the monarch was.

Blaine squealed giddily and brushed his fingertips across his crotch. "Right here!" He ripped open what was left of the press shirt and dragged his nails over the other's torso. "Mmmm. Yummy…"

"No, no, no…" He gasped at the feeling of nails, which would normally have him hard in an instant, then tried to sit up slowly. "Princess Sophia?! You're kidding me, right? No, hang on, baby. Hang on." He gently took Blaine's shoulders and unhooked his legs from his own, leading him back to his seat on the couch. "You can't name my dick Princess Sophia. It doesn't—"

"Yes, I can," Blaine happily demanded, hugging one of the tacky Valentine's Day bears he left on the couch.

"Listen… if you're going to name my— dick," he stammered for a moment, in a bit of disbelief that he had to explain this, "You've gotta name it something hyper masculine— like Spike, or Butch, or Krull the Warrior King, you know? But not Princess Sophia."

Blaine gasped, "What did you just say?"

Sebastian paused, "Spike."

"After Spike!"

"Butch…"

"After Butch!"

"_Shit_," he thought, then admitted the name, "K-Krull the Warrior King."

Blaine stood up and moved into him again, this time cuddling a bear with him. "Does… _Krull the Warrior King_ want to come out and play?" He grinned evilly.

Sebastian sighed heavily and shook his head.

"Come out of there… Krull!" Blaine growled, and talked towards Sebastian's crotch like a child.

"No. You know what? Due to intense humiliation, the king has momentarily abdicated his throne…"

"OH! Uh-oh. Not good. Well, in that case…" Blaine didn't waste a moment, "I better get going!" He booped Sebastian's nose and smiled cheerily. "Take care of our love fern, honey!" He handed the bear to Sebastian, then retrieved his empty box before showing himself out of the apartment. He felt a sense of accomplishment, and was hoping that his little experiment would be over before the ten day allotment so he could relax.

Sebastian stared at the bear, then mock-strangled it before throwing it angrily at the door. He was aggravated, embarrassed, and ridiculously hungry, but he couldn't leave the night as it was. Love. Long-term commitment. Diamonds. He followed Blaine to the elevator, and caught the doors just as they were closing.

The sudden movement startled Blaine. He jumped slightly, and gave Sebastian a confused look. "Hi?"

"Can I see you tomorrow?"

"Really?" He asked, dumbfounded.

"I sure hope so."

Blaine giggled ditzily, "Call me! And I'll call you!"

Sebastian grinned, "I will. Sweet dreams, handsome."

The doors closed and Blaine stared at the wall in amazement. "What?!" Sebastian had to be sick or insane himself if he was willingly coming back for more. Blaine would have to pull out all the stops to break him— even if it meant bringing the torture to his job.

* * *

-Um, WOW. You guys are great. Thanks for the follows, reviews, and messages. I can't wait to further this little project along! Follow me on Tumblr and say hey!

**_xxMae_**


	7. Chapter 7

_I do not own this plot or any of the characters, I just like to reimagine the universe for my own pleasure. These belong to Paramount and Fox._

*Seblaine version of_ How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days_. This is a retelling of the 2003 movie, with a few small tweaks to the plot and dialogue.*

*It helps if you've seen it, but isn't necessary!*

This chapter is short, but hopefully the next one will make up for that!

_Tumblr: nonfatmocha_

* * *

**Chapter 7**

"What was 'icy' again?" Sebastian asked Nick. The dark-haired man had pulled up on his tablet, scrolling through countless synonyms that could somehow relate to diamonds.

"Artic, freezing, frigid…"

Sebastian paced the office and tossed a Nerf basketball around aimlessly. It was a nervous habit. He liked to fidget. "What about glitter?"

"Nick's favorite movie?" Jeff chimed in from his own desk.

"Hey. It was underrated," he responded, "A glint, glisten, scintillation."

"Scintillation— that's not bad," said Jeff.

"Oh, no. That sucks," Sebastian confirmed, then sighed heavily. He was overthinking this, and the pressure was starting to get to him. "Guys, let's take a break. I need a coffee refill— maybe we can shoot a little pool? Maybe then I'll be able to concentrate since the boy is driving me craaaazzy?" He grabbed his trusty mug, and made his way into the community room, which could definitely be mistaken for a rich frat house's billiard room.

"Which boy?" Nick asked, "Blaine or Krull the Warrior King?"

Sebastian laughed sarcastically and chucked the Nerf ball at his partner with all his might.

"Wait, I thought you said after the Knicks game that he was this stunning Adonis…" Jeff questioned while mixing cream into his coffee.

"Oh, he was! That was the good Blaine. This amazing, fun, cool, sexy man. I'm talking about the evil Blaine now… it's like he's on drugs or something."

"He's probably bipolar," Nick suggested, leaning against the pool table.

"Well, his south pole is definitely prevailing."

"All you have to do it rock it for five more days."

Sebastian nodded and clinked his and Nick's mugs together.

"Oh, Muffin!" A familiar voice sounded from the foyer.

Sebastian's eyes widened, and he turned slowly, not expecting Blaine to be there. He quickly changed his body language, not forgetting that he still had to act like the best boyfriend ever. "Blaine! Hi!" He approached him quickly and greeted him with a soft peck. "We were just talking about you! Oh, wow. You look gorgeous."

Blaine acted ecstatic to see him, and was donned head-to-toe in classic beige and plaid Burberry. He pouted his lips slightly at the compliment. "Thank you!" He also had a messenger bag around his shoulder, carrying today's secret weapon.

"Blaine, this is Nick and Jeff, my right-hand men."

Blaine gasped, reaching to shake their hands, "Oh! Yes. Sebby-Kins has told me so much about you two!"

Nick grinned, "Oh, well, Sebby-kins has said wonderful things about you, as well."

If Sebastian's looks could kill…

"Oh, honey. They don't look so simple-minded!"

Blaine: 1, Best friends: 0.

The two gave each other shifty looks, and before anyone could speak, Blaine changed the subject.

"Honey, look what I got for us!" He hoisted his bag onto the racked pool table, and out popped a curious looking creature. A smaller breed of dog that had stringy hair on his head, feet, and tail, but was completely bald elsewhere. He had on a sweater that matched Blaine's wardrobe choice for the day.

"Oh— okay. Hey there!" Sebastian started, "W-what is it?"

Blaine gave him an unamused look, "It's a Chinese Crested, of course."

"No kidding. A Chinese Crested? So, it's like, a dog? Right?" Sebastian liked animals, but he wasn't terribly crazy about this one. It was an odd breed, and he always saw himself as a Labrador type of guy. Clearly, Jeff and Nick had the same opinion given their body language. The dog barked almost in response and Sebastian grinned. "Oh! There he is!"

Blaine gave Sebastian a look of disgust. "Seb— Seb. You're hurting Krull's feelings."

Nick snickered, "Krull, is it?"

Blaine's face beamed, "Krull. Krull the Warrior King!"

"Well, sure. Because, that's clearly a warrior king." He turned to Jeff, who was biting his tongue to keep quiet, and smirked. Sebastian faked the best smile he could.

"Wait, there's more!" Blaine pulled out a matching Burberry button-down from his bag and held it up to Sebastian's body.

"Oh, for me? Cool!" He gave a confirming glance to his friends, although his reaction to Blaine was lackadaisical. "Medium. Perfect. Thank you!" He leaned in for a kiss, but Blaine pulled away.

"Try it on," Blaine said.

"It looks like the inside of a raincoat," Nick whispered to Jeff.

"I'm sure it will fit nicely, sweetie. Thank you!" He attempted another kiss, and Blaine avoided it.

"It matches us! Try it on!"

"Well, yeah, you should try it on," Nick egged, finding pleasure in seeing his best friend like this, "That way you'll know if it will fit!"

Sebastian's looks could kill once more…

"It's not going to hurt anyone, Seb. Try it on." Blaine turned up the annoyance in his tone, pressuring Sebastian to do as he asked.

Sebastian reluctantly slipped the disgusting plaid over what he was already wearing, and straightened the fabric as Blaine helped him button it closed. As if he already didn't look like an idiot, the collar was closed all the way up his neck. All he needed was a pair of cargo shorts and a cardigan around his neck to start bragging to people about his yacht, Porsche, and lawyer father.

"Darling, you're a vision in khaki," Jeff pushed.

Blaine ignored them, and held Sebastian by the collar. "We're just going to be a happy little family. Just the three of us…" He turned to look at Krull, who was still examining the pool table and sniffing curiously.

"Yeah, we are, aren't we?" Sebastian thought he could vomit.

"He's our boy, Sebby!"

"See, now that's sweet!" Nick was enjoying this way too much.

Without warning, Blaine practically jumped on Sebastian and kissed him fiercely. He tangled his fingers in the other's sandy hair, and aggressively pressed kisses to his cheeks, temples, and forehead. Nick and Jeff awkwardly adverted their eyes, almost embarrassed for their friend.

Sebastian wrapped his arms around Blaine's waist and tried to pull him off. "Hey, handsome! Good to see you too!" Just as the attack of love calmed down, Blaine looked up to see Krull raise one leg and pee on the pool table.

"Oh," He started, not getting in a hurry, "He's just not potty trained yet."

Sebastian looked up questioningly and gasped. "Oh no…"

"Come here, my little tinkle king!"

Nick and Jeff just stared, each of them unwilling to clean up the mess.

Blaine continued to talk to the dog like a baby, coddling him despite his mess.

"Well," Jeff continued, "Congratulations, you little— plaid family. We have a whole bunch of work that we still have to do, but Seb… we're still on for poker at your house this weekend, right?"

"Oh yeah," he responded, unhappily tousling his own hair, "You can count on it."

Blaine had a dumb smile on his face the whole time, trying to be as ditzy as possible. "Woo! Bro night!"

Nick gave Blaine a responsive cheer as Nick confirmed, "Yeah! Bro night!" Then gave his friend an awkward glance, "Well, it was nice meeting you. So, yeah. We'll take off, then."

Blaine basically pushed Sebastian aside to shake their hands again, being as enthusiastic as possible. "It was nice to meet you! Say bye, Krully!"

The two gave Sebastian a sympathetic pat on the shoulder and left without saying much more.

"Oh, come here, baby," Blaine said, turning his attention to Krull. He picked up the dog and moved a little closer to Sebastian, who gave him a little scratch on the neck. "Do you love him?" Blaine asked.

"Oh, that I do," Sebastian half-lied, fidgeting with the dog's studded collar. "Mm. Look at Krull's necklace. He's got more ice than Liberace."

"Oh, it's just a little frosting," Blaine grinned, cuddling the animal.

Sebastian stopped. Diamonds. Frosting. Holy shit. "Frosting?"

"Frosting," Blaine confirmed, pressing a kiss to Krull's head.

* * *

"Frost Yourself," Sebastian said, letting himself into the office with Will and The Judies, interrupting a private meeting. Even though Blaine was driving him bonkers, the crazy man was to thank for the most brilliant words for the pitch.

The other three looked up at him, rather annoyed. "Excuse me?" Will said.

"Frost Yourself," Sebastian repeated, "The new slogan for the campaign."

"You frost a cake… we're in the middle of a meeting, Sebastian!" Spears rolled her eyes at him.

"No, I'm talking about diamonds. They're frosting. As in, 'Woah! Would you check out her frosting?'" Sebastian posed and looked at his hands as if he were donned in expensive jewels.

Will pondered it for a moment. "Frost Yourself. Hm. How did you come up with that?"

"I got it off of the man that is falling madly in love with me."

Will chortled and made his way to the window to crack it open, "It may have possibilities, but as for the man that's falling in love with you, I will decide that at the party."

"If he can get him there," Spears added under her breath.

"Now just think about it," Sebastian continued, ignoring Spears, "Ladies… Frost Yourself. We could introduce it at the party."

"It could be the theme!" Will said excitedly, "Everything frosted. Martini glasses. Chandeliers. The people. All of it. Jewels everywhere."

"The whole party a sparkling diamond. All of it… Frosted." Sebastian whispered the last word for emphasis. The Judies sat down with twin unamused faces.

Will then stuck his head out of the window and shouted, "Women of New York! FROST YOURSELVES!" An angry passerby rolled her eyes and presented her middle finger, but Will just shrugged. "Meh. I like it!"

* * *

_**Thank you to everyone for the favorites and reviews! xxMae**_


	8. Chapter 8

_I do not own this plot or any of the characters, I just like to reimagine the universe for my own pleasure. These belong to Paramount and Fox._

*Seblaine version of_ How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days_. This is a retelling of the 2003 movie, with a few small tweaks to the plot and dialogue.*

*It helps if you've seen it, but isn't necessary!*

**_Tumblr: nonfatmocha_**

* * *

**_Chapter 8_**

Sebastian was beyond exhausted after the day he had. With the details of the DeLauer pitch starting to stress him out, Blaine was definitely not helping matters at all. He thought that this would be an easy ten days. He knew how to be charming and likable, but the attributes were starting to wear thin. It would be a miracle if he didn't go insane by the time the pitch meeting came along.

When Sebastian was finally ready to go home for the day, Blaine was waiting for him outside of his office, and somehow was able to convince him to take Krull for the night. Sebastian still had no idea how he got to his current state— trudging up the steps with a bag full of dog supplies, and a mostly-naked dog on a leash. He deserved a damn "Boyfriend of the Year" trophy already.

He needed a beer. Fast.

Sebastian set up Krull's bowls and bed, and allowed the small animal to wander around the apartment to sniff the area. Meanwhile, he cracked open a cold bottle, slugging half of it down in one go. He grabbed another for the sake of not getting back up, and plopped down on the couch, ready to watch the basketball game in quiet.

Then he heard a knock at the door.

Sebastian groaned slightly. "Who is it?"

"It's me!" A cheerful Blaine called from the other side.

Sebastian pressed his fingers into his eyes and reluctantly stood up, unlocking the door, and letting him in. "Hey handsome, what a surprise!" He quickly drank the rest of his open beer, and moved to the next.

"So," Blaine started, "I did something a little wacky after I left your office today."

"Oh?" Sebastian raised an eyebrow. "What's that?"

"Yeah. I used photoshop at work to composite our faces together with possible surrogates to see what our kids would look like…" He reached in his bag and pulled out a large book with elaborate writing on the front cover, "… our family album!" He grinned, and placed the album on the dining table, motioning for his boyfriend to join him.

Sebastian stared blankly at him, and didn't speak for a moment. _"What the actual fuck?"_ He thought, trying to find the proper words in response.

Blaine's face dropped. Sebastian was acting just as he expected. "You— you don't want to see our children?" He looked as if someone took his puppy away.

Sebastian spoke slowly, "We don't— have children."

Blaine sat down at the table, his back facing Sebastian. He stayed quiet long enough to make an uncomfortable tension in the air, then mock sobbed, holding his head in his hands.

Sebastian kicked the floor. Blaine's emotional state was worse than the changing weather. He immediately knew that he should have went along with the crazy. "No no no. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that." He rushed to Blaine's side and rubbed his shoulders comfortingly. "Please show me."

Blaine scoffed at him, wiping a pretend tear from his eye. "Psh. We don't _have_ children!" He wailed.

"Please, let me see them."

"But you don't _want_ to see them…" He glared, clutching the album.

Sebastian took a deep breath. "I do. I really do. Please show me. You worked hard on this, and I want to see them."

Blaine slowly lost the hurt act, and scooted a little closer to the taller man. He opened the album, revealing some rather obscure looking scrapbooking and photoshop skills. "This is our wedding. So beautiful. You in Armani, and I in Versace. Naturally." He turned the page, and spoke nostalgically, as if this had already happened. "Oh, look! Our first child. Little Sebby Junior," He sighed and leaned into him, "He looks so much like you!"

Sebastian couldn't pull his gaze away from the disturbing sight, and mostly stayed quiet. This couldn't _really_ be happening…

"Oh, here we are vacationing in Hawaii. Sebby Junior loved the sand, but little baby Blaine wasn't a fan, so here we are at Disney World to make up for it!" He grinned, somewhat proud of his horrible work. The composite photos were atrocious, and Sebastian looked as if he wanted to jump off of a cliff.

"Wow. Um, our kids are really… attractive." Just in the nick of time, Sebastian's phone rang, and he excused himself from the table to answer it. It was his mother. "Tiens Maman! Que faites-vous?"

Blaine listened in, trying to ignore the small butterfly feeling he was getting from Sebastian speaking French.

He switched back to English— as he and his mother often did. "Oh, Blaine? Yes, of course." He handed him the phone. "My mother. She wants to speak to you."

Blaine looked surprised for a moment, but answered the phone casually. "Hey Giselle!"

Sebastian had to do a double take. Blaine hadn't even met his mother, yet they were on first-name-basis on the phone? He wracked his brain for a moment trying to piece together what was happening. His mouth hung open and he shrugged his shoulders at Blaine, who ignored him completely.

"Oh my god! I just showed him! Yes!"

Sebastian stared blankly. His mom knew about the crazy.

"Well, he thinks our kids will be _very_ attractive," he smiled up at Sebastian, and giggled in response to Giselle. "Have a good night. Yes, you can call me tomorrow! Au Revoir!" He ended the call and handed Sebastian's cell to him, acting as nonchalant as ever.

Sebastian stood in an awkward silence for a moment and cleared his throat. "So, um. You— and my mom? You talk, huh?"

"Yeah! I called her earlier to get some baby pictures for our book."

Sebastian pulled the beer bottle to his lips and started draining the whole thing.

"Hey, you never told me that you wore diapers until you were five."

Sebastian choked on the beer and put the bottle down. "Um. I gotta go to the bathroom. Be right back."

* * *

Sebastian stayed in the bathroom longer than usual, rubbing the headache from his temples and neck. He then splashed cold water on his face, and grabbed the nearest towel to blot the moisture away. The fabric felt different than normal, and with a closer look, discovered that it wasn't his hand towel at all. In fact, his towel set was gone, and replaced with something different. He tossed the cloth to the ground, and saw that there was one extra toothbrush in the holder, along with a different brand of toothpaste, an extra razor, and additional bar of soap. "_What the hell_…" He whispered softly, then looked at the medicine cabinet in terror. He opened it slowly to find an entire line of toiletries, skin and haircare products. Blaine was smothering him, and he couldn't get away. "_Fuck, shit… COME ON!_"

Blaine smirked as he heard Sebastian grumbling in the bathroom. This little trick was one he had in his back pocket from the beginning.

* * *

Sebastian exited the bathroom a bit later, acting as if his apartment hadn't been completely invaded without welcome, and made his way to the kitchen.

"Hey Sebby?" Blaine asked, smiling, "Do you have plans tonight?"

"Tonight?" He asked, "_Yes. I have all the plans. I need to do everything that doesn't involve you…" _He quickly thought of an excuse. "You know what? Not a good night for me. I've got to work," he lied, "We have to tie up a few loose ends on this big project we've been working on, and it sucks. I had a broccoli and asparagus casserole up my sleeve while we watched the Knicks game— all cuddled in front of the TV, and we're not going to be able to…" He rambled, "Yep. Because I have to do some work."

Blaine frowned sadly. "Oh no! That's too bad, because I have tickets for tonight!"

Sebastian stopped. Even after the spectacle that just happened before his eyes, the mention of sports would always spark his interest.

"And they're GREAT tickets. Front row seats! Right in the action… you can smell the sweat!"

Sebastian loosened up a little and approached Blaine slowly. He really hated himself sometimes, because he should definitely be turning this down to get away from Blaine for the night. Front row during the NBA finals wasn't an easy feat. Those tickets were worth major money. "I-I mean, I guess I don't really have to— I can call Nick and see if he can cover for me just for tonight." He smiled.

"Oh, really? Yeah! That would be great!" Blaine grinned, excited for his evil plan.

"Yeah. Yeah… Thank you, handsome. Seriously." He turned up the charm and closed the gap between them, kissing his cheek gratefully. He then looked at his watch, and tugged Blaine's hand. "Come on, then. We need to get going before we're late."

Blaine happily followed him, and squeezed his hand. "This is a once in a lifetime experience, honey, and I'm so excited to share it with you."

They left together, both with pent-up excitement— but for very different reasons.

Instead of heading to Madison Square Garden to see their beloved Knicks, Blaine led Sebastian in another direction, and entered The Lincoln Center where Cher was headlining her tour. If this wasn't enough to send him running, Blaine would seriously be at a loss of what action to take next.

* * *

"— and after all this he _still_ didn't leave you?!" Tina reclined back in her lounge chair after adjusting her bathing suit. She, Rachel, and Blaine were getting some much needed sun next the the rooftop pool of her apartment building.

"I am telling you guys, this calls for drastic measures," Blaine fidgeted in his own chair, distracted from enjoying the gorgeous weather. "Come on, guys. Concentrate…"

"Are you being more clingy?" Rachel asked.

"Clingy. Needy. Whiny." Blaine listed.

"More baby talk?" Tina suggested.

"I mean, occasionally. I guess I could kick that one up a notch."

"I used to obsess over Jesse's old girlfriends," Rachel mentioned, though no one was surprised.

"Oh, better yet… talk about all of your old boyfriends!"

"It's good, guys. Really. It's good for normal people, but it is _not_ going to crack this guy! I mean, this is DEFCOM 1, and I need to do something truly appalling!" Blaine frowned at the other two who were breathlessly laughing at his misery. "It's _NOT _funny!" He sighed, giving a chuckle of his own. "Look, I have to think of something before tomorrow. You guys are mine tonight. I need all of your time and help."

"Wait," Tina looked over at Blaine, "Why not tonight?"

"Oh, poker night at Sebastian's. Boys night out."

"Boy's night? Seriously? You're giving him a boy's night?"

Blaine shrugged, "They do it every week."

Tina smirked and looked at him over her sunglasses, "Before he met _you._"

Blaine looked at her with sudden realization and smirked.

It was time to crash a party.

* * *

**_xxMae_**


	9. Chapter 9

_I do not own this plot or any of the characters, I just like to reimagine the universe for my own pleasure. These belong to Paramount and Fox._

*Seblaine version of_ How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days_. This is a retelling of the 2003 movie, with a few small tweaks to the plot and dialogue.*

*It helps if you've seen it, but isn't necessary!*

_Tumblr: nonfatmocha_

* * *

**_Chapter 9_**

A thick cloud of cigar smoke wafted through Sebastian's apartment, mingling with the smell of scotch, beer, and pizza. It was complete heaven, and a much needed evening of distraction for him. Jeff and Nick sat next to each other (hoarding their hand so no one else could see), and were joined by David and Hunter. The group had known each other since college, yet the other two pursued software development instead of advertising.

"Alright boys," Sebastian started with a puff of smoke, "I've got two bucks in. Place your bets. Feel lucky?"

Nick snorted, "Well, I definitely feel luckier than you since I didn't have to endure a Cher concert."

The group laughed, and Sebastian chuckled, accepting the roast gratefully. "But that's what true love is all about, my friend."

"I like Cher, though!" David imitated the famous singer's tone, and slapped his cards on the table. "Nope. I fold."

Sebastian laughed, "You're also _way_ gayer than I am."

"So, is this it, then?" Hunter asked, already knowing of the bet. He tossed a couple betting chips in, and held his cards close, "He's in love with you, then?"

Sebastian snorted, "Are you kidding, dude? He's planning the wedding already."

Everyone disregarded the talk about Blaine and focused on the game. They all revealed their cards, but it was Sebastian who had the winning hand.

"Yesss! That's what I'm talking about." He scooped the pot up and started stacking his winnings, gripping the thick cigar between his teeth. "Man, it doesn't get any better than this!"

The group rolled their eyes, then simultaneously turned their attention to the front door that was opening.

"Sebby-kins! I'm home!" Blaine made his way to the kitchen as if he already lived in the apartment. He had a platter of food in his arms which was more suited for a fancy brunch or tea, and not a testosterone pumped poker game.

Sebastian froze and gazed in terror at his boys. Nick's jaw was hanging open.

David shrugged, not knowing what to expect, "He's cute."

"Um, hey Blaine!" Sebastian chuckled nervously.

"Dude, he has a key. Is that legal?" Jeff asked.

"I wasn't expecting you, honey!" He continued after downing some beer, "How'd you get a key?"

Blaine returned to the game table with his tea sandwiches, "Oh! Jose, your super made me a copy."

Sebastian cringed, mentally reminding himself to change the locks and have a little chat with Jose.

Blaine gasped in fear, and approached Sebastian slowly, "You're not mad are you, Sebby? You're not mad at me?"

Sebastian shook his head quickly, keeping to the "perfect boyfriend" routine. "Oh no. Not at all, handsome. I'm not mad. Um, Blaine. You know Nick and Jeff. These other two assholes are Hunter and David. We all go way back."

"Oh! So lovely to meet you all!" He tilted his head to the side in too much of a 'Stepford' manner and shook the boys' hands. "I'm so sorry to interrupt you little game, but I brought yummy snacks!" He grinned, and placed the platter on the game table, right in the middle of all the action.

Sebastian glanced at the platter and shrugged, working around it as he prepared to deal the next game. "All right, boys. Let's do some Texas Hold 'Em."

Blaine gasped as Jeff took a bite of pizza and shook his head, taking the slice out of the blonde's hand. "Jeffy! This is so bad for you! Yucky pizza! But… yummy, yummy cucumber sandwich!" Blaine hand fed him a sandwich that the other reluctantly took and chuckled nervously, pretending to eat it.

Everyone else sat uncomfortably, watching the train wreck unfold.

Sebastian took a sandwich, hoping that it would make Blaine go away, and the others followed suite, choking it down and desperately wishing it was pizza.

Blaine stood next to Sebastian's chair, then noticed that all five men had a cigar perched proudly between their lips. He honestly didn't mind, and quite liked the aroma— but they didn't have to know that. He coughed loudly, and for a moment, it went unnoticed. Then Blaine nudged Sebastian and coughed a bit more dramatically so everyone could hear. He groaned and flailed a hand through the air to wave the thick smoke away, making it obvious that he was unhappy.

Sebastian looked at his friends and closed his eyes in disbelief, then started to stamp his cigar out. He nodded towards the others, who did the same, then continued awkwardly with their game.

"Thank you, honey," Blaine lingered around a bit longer and looked over Hunter's shoulder, gasping. "Oh! Nine and a seven!" He playfully punched the man's shoulder as he revealed his hand, "Go for the straight!" He cheered him on, then made his way back to the kitchen.

Blaine inhaled slowly, trying to plan his next move. This was starting to become more and more exhausting, and didn't know how long he'd be able to keep it up. He glanced around the kitchen for a moment, then spotted a box of tissues. He snatched a couple, and quickly made his way back to Sebastian, putting the frail fabric in front of his face like a toddler. "Blow," he said seriously.

Sebastian furrowed his brow and looked at Blaine dumbly.

Hunter gave a dry, disbelieving chuckle, and half dropped his hand.

"Blow," Blaine reiterated, "Nobody likes a Mr. Sniffles!"

Quiet snickers could be heard around the table. "Oh, I hate Mr. Sniffles," Nick added.

"Come on, stuffy head! Blow!" Blaine grinned.

Sebastian made pleading eye contact with all of his friends, then glanced up at Blaine. He didn't have a choice. He leaned into the cloth and blew— twice for good measure.

"Oh! That's a good one!" He looked into the tissue, pressing down the need to gag, "White! Healthy boy!" He ruffled Sebastian's hair, and pressed a kiss to his temple. Then, the sight of something marvelous caught Blaine's eye. Just as he suspected— the Love Fern that he had given Sebastian was poorly taken care of. Workaholic jock boys like Sebastian could barely feed themselves a proper breakfast each day, let alone think about watering a plant. Blaine immediately looked worried. "Oh no…" He gasped, leaving the table to retrieve the potted plant that was once green and perky. It was now drooping and brown. "Oh no. No, no, no."

The group stopped their game once again and looked up at a distraught Blaine. Sebastian rubbed his temples. Fucking plant.

"It's dead!" Blaine exclaimed, "You let it die!" He scrunched his face into a pained look, almost tearing up. "Are you going to let _us_ die? You should think about that!" He clutched the pot and stormed into his usual hiding spot in the kitchen, trying to fight the urge of laughter building up behind his lungs.

"What the fuck is a love fern?" Hunter asked.

"Ohhhh my god," David stared into space, whispering to the boys, "Oh my god. It's so bad. It's so bad, but I can't look away… what the fuck, dude."

Nick turned to Sebastian, speaking not quite out of earshot. "Is he on something?"

Sebastian shook his head and sighed, "God, I hope so."

Blaine stifled his laughter, and slowly walked to the game table again, glaring at Nick. His eyes were wide and scary. "I'm sorry… do you think I'm some sort of… MENTAL PERSON?" He screamed the last bit, which scared Krull, and made the rest of the group jump. Then, he stormed towards the fern to gather it and his bag. The dog began to bark out of excitement, and the room was full of noise. "I— am taking this love fern with _ME_."

"No, no! That's not what I meant…" Nick tried to calm the situation, but Sebastian stopped him.

"Blaine. Wait." Sebastian tried to speak calmly, but before he could, the other had stormed out and slammed the door. He thought about letting the situation lie as is. It would definitely make his constant migraine go away, but he needed to win the pitch. Even if it meant dealing with Blaine the psycho for a little longer. He reluctantly followed the shorter man to the elevator, and stopped him before he could leave. Krull followed him out, still barking. "Wait. What the hell just happened in there?"

The rest of the group exchanged looks, all thinking the same thing. They quietly stood up and lingered by the door, trying to eavesdrop on the insanity.

"This is getting really creepy, alright? You're acting completely insane."

"OH!" Blaine exclaimed, "So, Nick is right, then. I am insane."

"No. You're _acting _insane." He had to speak a bit loudly over Krull's barking, and had some difficulty compiling his thoughts. "Shut up, Krull…"

The dog backed down, and Blaine gasped. "Oh my god! He is an innocent animal!"

"Yeah, and he will live, but right now, I'm talking to you."

"Oh, I don't think I can be with someone who doesn't like animals and thinks that I'm a mental person."

"That's what I'm talking about. Where's the sexy, cool, fun, smart, gorgeous Blaine that I knew? The one who wanted to be a serious journalist? You're up, you're down, you're here, you're there. You're like a freaking one-man circus, Blaine."

Blaine paused. "So, I guess this means we're over?"

Sebastian frowned, and shrugged. Over sounded great… kind of. "Yeah. I guess so."

"Fine," he said with an unaffected tone as he stepped on the elevator.

"Fine," Sebastian retorted, then walked back to the apartment, cuddling Krull in his arms.

* * *

The elevator doors closed, and Blaine leaned against the wall with a long, heavy sigh. "Oh, finally." He was relieved, but not satisfied. He furrowed his brow in thought. Even though it wasn't his normal behavior, the words that Sebastian spoke were weighing on him. They reverberated in his mind, and then Blaine suddenly didn't feel relieved anymore. He shook his head, thinking about how he'd never see Sebastian again, and actually teared up. He had kind of grown accustomed to his Sparky. His tall stature, hugs that pulled him in and enveloped him tightly— his lips. "_God, his lips_," Blaine thought. It wasn't supposed to feel like this at all. Blaine allowed a few tears to escape, and quickly wiped them away. This could never happen, anyway. Leaving was for the best.

* * *

Sebastian placed Krull in his bed after a few "I'm sorry" scratches behind the ear, and moseyed into the living room awkwardly. The boys heard everything. "Well, it's over, guys."

Nick and Jeff weren't pleased. "NO. Nope. No. Not happening. FOUR MORE DAYS!" The blonde man said. "Just four!"

"No, guys! Did you not just witness that fucking trainwreck? You saw it with your own eyes! It's over, okay?"

"Oh yeah, I saw it," David said, trying to encourage a turnaround. "I thought it was sexy,"

"Oh, shut up. It was _not_ sexy."

"You know what?" Nick asked Jeff, "He's right. Forget it. It's over. So, do you think Spears and Greene are going to be comfortable in their new penthouse office?"

Sebastian sighed, "No guys. No. Just stop."

"Oh, they totally will," Jeff replied, "They've got diamonds while Sebby over here is going to be selling Nerf Footballs for the rest of his damn life…"

Shit. The pitch would always win. "OKAY! I get it! What? What do you expect me to do? Blaine just left. So, tell me."

"Couples therapy!" Hunter mentioned from the couch, "Everytime I do something wrong and my girl wants to leave me, I recommend couples therapy and I promise, it will buy you at least four days." He grinned.

Sebastian smiled. "Okay. Cool. Couples therapy." He nodded, pondering the solution. "Okay. Thanks, brother. Be right back." He zoomed towards the balcony window and threw it open. He could see Blaine's petite figure walking out of the first floor and onto the sidewalk. "BLAINE!" He yelled, making his way to the fire escape and nimbly running the entire way down.

Blaine stopped dead in his tracks, and looked up in awe to see Sebastian coming for him. _"What even is wrong with him?!"_ He discreetly wiped the tears from his cheeks. He didn't want to seem too upset, but at this point, tears might help his act a bit.

Sebastian dropped to his knees in front of Blaine and looked up at him pathetically. "Blaine, please. Please forgive me, babe. I was way out of line. Can you please give me another chance?

Blaine stared at him through reddened eyes, somehow feeling a bit warmer at the fact that Sebastian chased after him. "H-Haven't you had enough?!"

"Look, I'm willing to do anything."

Blaine scoffed, "Get up. You look ridiculous."

"I'll do anything, Blaine. What— what do you think about… couples therapy?"

The light bulb in Blaine's head went off— another plan. He couldn't keep up this crazy routine. He needed to get rid of this guy so he could go on with his life. This would be the final straw. "Couples therapy?" He was intrigued.

"Yes! Couples therapy. Hunter… he has this doctor friend, and he says that he's a hell of a guy."

"Oh, no. I know a doctor that will work _wonders _with a guy like you, Sebastian."

"Yes! Great. That's what I need."

"I will call and schedule an emergency session for tomorrow."

"Whatever it takes."

"I need a kiss," Blaine pursed his lips and tilted his head so Sebastian could see his cheek.

"Absolutely," He leaned in and kissed his cheek softly, "Thank you, Blaine."

Blaine stared at him, "Now, I love you, Sebby… but I don't have to like you right now." He stuck his nose in the air, making the phrase as ridiculous as possible, and continued his walk.

Sebastian skewed his eyebrow quizzically and started his way back up to the apartment. "Thank you, handsome." He kicked the ground and balled his fists, grumbling the entire way up the stairs.

Sebastian had never been to therapy before, so he wasn't sure what to expect. He was a bit nervous, actually. He wouldn't be the one to admit that he hoped it worked brilliantly, but literally anything to make the final few days more tolerable would be appreciated. Regardless of how insane Blaine acted, he had a few qualities that Sebastian quite liked.

...And it scared him to death.

* * *

**_xxMae_**


End file.
